Object of Gossip
by ZaKai
Summary: Roy and Ed are sleeping together, and everyone knows it! Everyone... except for Roy and Ed. :Eventual RoyEd, Humor:
1. Embellished Truths

**Title: **Object of Gossip  
**Rating: **PG13  
**Type: **Yaoi, AUish, Humor  
**Warnings: **Language, AUness  
**Pairings: **Eventual Roy/Ed  
**Summary: **Roy and Ed are sleeping together, and everyone knows it! Everyone... except for Roy and Ed.

—

**Object of Gossip**

**1**

**Embellished Truths**

—

_Truth is not exciting enough to those who depend on the characters and lives of their neighbors for all their amusement. –George Bancroft-_

—

Ed shifted the stack of books in his arms as he moved toward the back corner of the library. There was a table behind a large partition that hardly anyone knew about, and he loved using it because he was usually able to research in peace. As he moved around the partition, Ed blinked when he saw a dark-haired man sitting at the table, head resting on an open book.

He frowned.

Roy Mustang was fast asleep at _his_ table.

He pressed his lips, feeling a little put out. He _could_ always go sit at one of the other tables. It wasn't as if the library wasn't a quiet place anyway. But... this was _his_ spot! Chewing a little on his lower lip, Ed shifted his weight to hold the books better, and thought about his options.

Choice one would mean looking for another table. Not an attractive option.

Choice two would entail waking Mustang up and telling him to go be lazy somewhere else. But that meant he actually had to _talk_ to Mustang voluntarily, something he tried to avoid when possible.

The last choice was to simply share the table with Mustang. It wasn't as if he was very noisy when he researched and there was plenty of room for them both... This meant actually sharing the same _air_ willingly, but it was better than other types of interaction.

Ed set the books quietly on the table and settled into the chair. He glanced over at Mustang one more time, before turning his attention to his research.

He sat there studying for hours, but after a while, he couldn't say how long, his eyes began to burn and his eyelids felt heavy. He yawned widely and rested his head down on his own book. Just a little nap, then he'd be ready to continue.

* * *

When Sheska put the last book away, she wheeled the cart toward the back of the library. There wouldn't be any other loads of books today. Leaving it in it's designated spot, she turned to head back up to the front of the library when two people at the backmost table caught her eye.

She recognized each of them, for they were both regulars here at the library, but she'd never seen them both at the same table before. Walking slowly and quietly to the table, she studied them before a grin split her face.

How _cute!_ Colonel Roy Mustang and Major Edward Elric both sleeping on their books was just the most _darling_ thing she'd ever seen. Two good looking men with books could not be beat, but to have them all snuggled up to those precious books was just so...

If only she could get a picture of this!

And then it dawned on her. She _could_ get a picture. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes _always_ had a camera on him, and since she had done some work for him, they were on fairly good terms. He wasn't too far from here, and she was sure he'd love to get a picture of _this_.

Taking one last look, Sheska hurried back to the front desk where she picked up the phone and began to dial.

"What are you doing?" a fellow librarian asked.

"Calling Colonel Hughes," she answered.

"But _why_?"

Sheska glanced at her co-worker—an older, dark-skinned woman—and said, "I just saw the cutest thing. Colonel Mustang and Ed Elric were sleeping at a table together on some books." She knew she was practically squealing now, but it really had been very cute...

"Uh huh..." the other librarian said, not sounding very impressed, then looked over and saw someone at the counter needing to be helped.

* * *

Heymans Breda ran his tongue over his teeth. He was supposed to be meeting up with Havoc for a late lunch and he was _starving_. He could almost _taste_ the food... He impatiently watched the two librarians, a pale girl with glasses and a taller dark-skinned woman, talking. The pale girl was dialing on the phone, looking very happy about something, though the older one didn't seem to share her enthusiasm. He waved, hoping to catch one of their attentions. The older woman saw him and walked over.

"What can I do for you?" she asked pleasantly.

"Yeah, I had a book on hold," he said, then added, 'Board Games of the East."

She nodded and moved away to look for the book. Heymans glanced back at the geeky-looking librarian and saw that she was talking animatedly into the phone now.

"What's with her?" he asked, when the woman returned with his book.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Something about Colonel Mustang and Edward Elric sleeping together."

Heymans stared at her for a moment, then said slowly, "The colonel and Ed sleeping together?"

"That's what she said," the librarian said as she checked the book out.

"Holy _shit_..." he breathed, feeling stunned at the news. He had no idea the two of them were that close... They always seemed to be so _unfriendly_ with each other. Taking the book and thanking the librarian, Heymans walked out of the library and considered what he'd just learned, then nodded to himself.

It all made sense. They were probably just _acting_ like they hated each other to hide the truth. He grinned and quickened his pace, eager now to meet up with Havoc and to tell him what he'd just seen.

* * *

Robin Hawkins sipped at her soda as she tapped her pencil on her notepad. She glanced around the half filled patio of the diner in interest. She liked coming to this eatery because there was an option to sit outside. She felt more inspired that way.

As a young girl, she'd always wanted to go into writing and at the time she thought that she would be writing books when she grew up; but she discovered journalism when she attended the university and he life had never been the same.

Robin had worked for a few newspapers in her time, but her current position was with The Daily Gossip, Amestris's most popular tabloid. She'd been with The Daily Gossip—referred to by some as The Gossip—for almost ten years now. The work was good and she loved getting the dirt on people—sometimes what she wrote was a little... _embellished_... but that's what it took in her line of work.

The nice thing about working for a tabloid was that it wasn't quite as censored as the official mediums of print. They were allowed plenty of leeway by the government as long as they printed a good number of lies along with the truth.

Most people thought of The Gossip, and other tabloids like it, to be a bunch of rubbish, but the sales spoke volumes—that being that most people wanted to read the dirt and they didn't care if it was true or not. They wanted something to talk about over dinner or chat about on the phone. Robin had even started a couple of sensational scandals in her career. Neither of them had turned out to be true, but it had been fabulous for sales.

Her eyes settled on a tall man—a soldier—with dark brown hair with light brown bangs. He was smoking a cigarette and looking around, then he stopped when a short, portly soldier with red hair came hurrying out to his table. They were close enough to her table that she could hear their conversation—she could _always _hear people's conversations, that's why she came here every day.

"You're late," the tall soldier complained.

"You are _not_ going to believe what I just found out," the red-headed soldier said, sitting down and glancing over the menu before waving to a server. They ordered their food, and as soon as the waiter was gone, the red head continued. "You are seriously _not_ going to believe this..."

"Are you going to tell me or just keep telling me how much I'm not going to believe you," the tall soldier said, pulling another cigarette and lighting it.

The colonel and Ed are sleeping together," the red head said in a rush.

The tall soldier stared silently at him for a moment, then smirked. "You _lie_."

"No, I'm _serious_!" the red head said. "Look, Havoc, I just came back from the library and the chick there was saying that the other chick was talking about it!"

"The library chicks?" the tall man—Havoc—said.

"Yes! The library chicks! You know them, they wouldn't lie," the redheaded soldier pressed.

Havoc seemed to think about that for a moment, then took a long drag off the cigarette before slowly blowing out the smoke. "Well... I'll be damned... I knew the boss was a pervert, but... _damn_... The chief is pretty young."

"Jealous?" the red head asked with a smirk.

"Excuse me?"

"That the colonel can keep up with someone like Ed. I mean, you've seen how much spunk and stamina that kid has. He must be _wild_ in the sack."

Robin scribbled down 'Havoc', 'Colonel', and 'Ed', then silently willed them to give her more information. She could probably find out who they were talking about by just this to go on, but more was better.

As if reading her thoughts, the red head said in disbelief, "Man... I just can't believe it. Colonel Mustang and Ed Elric doing the nasty together. I didn't know the colonel had it in him."

Her eyebrows rose at that, and she quickly scribbled 'Flame Alchemist' and 'Fullmetal Alchemist'. Robin grinned as she circled what she'd just written. Now _this_ was going to be golden. She could already see the headline in her mind... She wrote it quickly, not wanting to forget.

"_Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang, 'Hero of Ishbal Rebellion' and one of Central's most eligible bachelors has affair with young Edward Elric—Fullmetal Alchemist, 'Hero of the People.'" _

A little long, but it was only a rough version anyway. She'd shorten it down. But the _idea_ was there. She listened to the two soldiers as the continued to talk animatedly and scribbled notes on her note pad.

Oh yes... this was going to be one fine story indeed.

* * *

A bright flash of light, slightly muted by his eyelids, caused Roy to be dragged back into reality from his deliciously wonderful dreams of _not_ having to work, but being able to go on vacation to somewhere warm and sandy with water and...

Another flash of light, followed by a high pitched, "Awww... it's just too cute..."

"Isn't it!" a deeper voice said, and Roy frowned. He knew that voice... He opened his eyes and saw Maes Hughes standing near the table, camera in hand, with a huge grin on his face.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Hughes said brightly.

"What the _fuck_..." another voice said as groggily as Roy felt. He glanced over to see Ed on the other side of the table. The teen lifted his head and a page from the book he'd been using as his pillow stuck to his cheek momentarily before settling back down.

There was another flash as Hughes took another picture. Stars danced in his vision from the flash for a moment, then he regained his sight and saw a small photo coming out of the camera.

"It's one of those new instant cameras!" Hughes exclaimed with delight, then handed the picture to a mousy girl. He recognized her as one of the librarians. She grinned widely at the photo, then looked at the other ones she had in her hand.

"What the hell is going on..." he asked, becoming more aware by the moment. Hughes scooted the table back, then pulled on Ed's chair so that he was close to Roy before stepping back and taking another picture.

"Hughes!" Roy barked, snatching the photo as it slid from the camera. "Stop it."

"You're no fun," his long time friend said with a slight pout.

Roy looked down at the picture and watched as it developed. The photo showed a head shot of him and Ed. They both had dazed and confused expressions on their faces and their hair looked slightly disheveled.

"Ugh!" Ed exclaimed from where he sat next to him.

"I feel the same way, Fullmetal," Roy said, about to pocket the picture, but Hughes snatched it back before he could.

"Can I see?" the librarian asked excitedly.

Roy watched in disbelief as Hughes handed over the picture. She grinned, then ran off, saying she was going to make copies and that she'd be back.

"Hughes...!" Roy said in disbelief. "You can't just take pictures of us while we're sleeping and let someone have copies!"

"Yeah, what he said!" Ed said, still sounding slightly groggy.

Roy glanced over and smirked. "So you're saying that I'm right?" he asked.

"I..." Ed paused, then pressed his lips together and looked away in irritation. Roy decided this little fiasco had been worth it just to see Ed realize he'd just agreed with him. He'd have to find a way to get those pictures from Hughes, but he wasn't in a big hurry. It wasn't as if Hughes went around showing anyone pictures of anyone but Elysia anyway.

* * *

Sheska punched the button and began to make the copies when she was tapped on the shoulder. She turned around to see a well dressed woman with short curly brown hair smiling at her. The woman was about her own height and seemed to be in her mid-forties.

"Excuse me," the woman said. "My name is Robin Hawkins. I'm with The Daily Gossip. I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of questions."

Sheska gawked in surprise, then squealed, "I always read The Gossip! Of course you can ask me some questions! What can I help you with Mrs. Hawkins?"

"Oh please," the other woman said with a smile. "Call me Robin."

Sheska blushed. "I couldn't!" she said, but had every intention to do so. Imagine, _her_ talking with Robin Hawkins!"

Robin glanced down at the copies, then raised an eyebrow. Her smile widened and she said, "May I ask what you have there?"

Delighted to share what she had just been squealing over with a well known journalist, Sheska, pulled the pictures out and related the story.

* * *

Robin listened to the librarian carefully. The story wasn't quite as juicy as Robin had imagined, but that was okay. The details could be fudged over. In fact... making it out to be more of a rumor, rather than actual fact seemed to be the best idea. People talked more when they didn't know everything.

She studied the pictures and her eyes were instantly drawn to the last photo of the two very handsome alchemists next to each other looking as if they'd been sleeping, or... perhaps something else... She knew the truth, but others would make what they wanted out of it. As the librarian turned to grab the copies she'd made, Robin slipped the picture into her notepad, then handed the other pictures back.

"Can I quote you on any of this?" she asked. She always asked.

"Sure, though I don't know why it would matter. It's just a silly little thing," the librarian said, then looked at the photos with starry eyes, then added with a sigh, "I think all men should sleep with books..." Robin smiled and nodded, though inside she thought this girl was nuts. Who cared if they slept with _books_ or not...?

"I'm sorry, what were you going to ask me," the girl said, suddenly remembering that Robin had asked if she could ask some questions.

"Oh! That was all. Thank you, my dear," Robin said, then hurried away before the girl could say anything else. He smiled brilliantly at everyone she passed as she hurried to her office. Today was Friday. If she worked fast, she just might be able to have this ready for Monday's edition.

* * *

**A/N:** Please keep in mind that this story is AUish. It's also written for the lulz. My hope is that it will make you laugh—because it most certainly makes _me_ laugh! This fic is _eventual_ RoyEd. It _will_ happen—eventually. The chapters will also be fairly short. There might be some long ones in there, but I'll probably try to keep them short. This is because I have lots of other stories I'm working on and keeping the chapters small makes me more likely to update this story more quickly. :)

Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!

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**Comments are love.**


	2. Rumor Mill

I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to comment last chapter. I'm really glad you're liking the story so far.

—

**Object of Gossip**

**2**

****

Rumor Mill

—

_A little public scandal is good once in a while. It takes the tension out of the news. –Beryl Pfizer-_

_-_

Roy yawned then reclined back in his office chair and rested a foot on one knee as he read the newspaper. He hated Monday mornings...

"I'm going to get some coffee downstairs, would you like some as well?" Hawkeye asked when he yawned again.

He nodded and watched her go. At the same moment, Kain Fuery walked into the room with Vato Falman. They were always the first ones there for the Monday morning meetings, and they always came together since they both lived in the dorms.

"Good morning, sir," Falman said, taking a seat, then opening a newspaper of his own.

"Morning..." Roy said with another yawn.

"Uh... morning..." Fuery said, then looked down at his shoes as he sat, not meeting Roy's eyes.

_Odd..._ Roy thought as he returned the greeting, but he didn't have time to dwell on it as Breda and Havoc walked into the room. Now _that_ was even stranger than Fuery's behavior, Roy thought as he looked at the time. They were not only _on time_, but they were _early_.

"Good _morning_, boss," Havoc said with an exaggerated cheerfulness. He plopped down on the couch and said with a grin, "Have a good weekend?"

Roy had actually spent the weekend at home researching, mowing the grass, trimming the bushes, doing minor home repair, reading, and other various things. No matter how much Roy had enjoyed the time alone and the feeling of accomplishment at getting things done, that probably wouldn't fit into Havoc's idea of a 'good' weekend.

"I wasn't here was I?" Roy asked dryly.

"No."

"Then it was a good weekend." He yawned and wondered idly why they only got _two _days in a weekend and not three.

"How's Ed?" Breda asked, sounding unusually interested.

"Dead, if he misses another meeting," Roy growled. He was tired of Ed either being late to their weekly meetings, or missing them entirely. So far he'd been rather lenient, but if he didn't start shaping up soon, Roy was going to have to write him up.

As if he could hear Roy's thoughts, Breda said, "Maybe he's just too exhausted from the weekend or from specific... _night time_... activities?"

Roy stared at him in utter bewilderment, but all his other subordinates seemed to understand whatever Breda was referring to. Havoc grinned manically, Fuery's head lowered a fraction more, and Falman lifted the newspaper closer to his face.

He opened his mouth to ask what in the world they were talking about when there was a dull thudding on the door. As if eager to escape the conversation Fuery rushed to the door and opened it. Hawkeye stepped inside with a bland look on her face. She was carrying a box of doughnuts with a magazine on that and two coffees balanced on top.

"My _hero!_" Breda announced, bounding to his feet and picking the coffees up so that she could put the box down on the table. She grabbed the magazine—some tabloid called The Daily Gossip—gave Roy a curious look that he completely didn't get, then took the cups from Breda and set one on his desk.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," he said, taking a small sip from the opening in the lid. "Now that we're all here, I think we should start."

"We're not going to wait for Edward?" Hawkeye asked. Roy folded the newspaper and set it on his desk. Waiting for Ed would be a waste of time as it was a good chance Ed would miss the meeting completely.

"No, I don't think so. I'll just fill him in later," Roy said, then frowned as his staff gave each other meaningful looks. He was on the verge of asking what was going on, but decided against it. He didn't like being out of the loop, but he didn't like people knowing he was out of the loop just as much. After the meeting he'd find a way to figure it all out, but right now it was time for work.

0-0-0-0

"Brother, don't you think that you should be at headquarters?"

Ed took a bite of his breakfast and said, "Why? I'm already late."

"You shouldn't talk with your mouth full," Al protested, his voice belaying the disgust that his face couldn't.

If Ed had been five years younger, he might have opened his mouth to show his brother the chewed up food, but at seventeen, Ed was much to mature for that kind of behavior. Instead, he swallowed then muttered an insincere apology as he watched Al walk to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To the store. The food doesn't magically appear in the cupboards you know."

"It doesn't?" Ed asked in mock shock. "And here I was thinking all this time that you must be doing some sort of forbidden food alchemy."

Al laughed. "No, see, this is how it works. You go earn money and I spend it on things like food and stuff to keep you alive so you can earn more money."

"Ha!" Ed exclaimed, dropping his dish in the sink. "I see how it is. He pulled on his jacket and walked out the door after Al. "How about _you_ work, and _I_ buy the food."

His brother stopped and stared at him for a moment, then said, "Remember the last time I let you do the shopping?"

"No," Ed lied.

"You were sick for days. You're a horrible shopper."

"Okay fine," he conceded, not wanting to hear another 'I told you so' from his younger brother. "I'll go to work. See you at the library later today?"

"Yep! If you're good I'll even bring you lunch," Al said then they parted ways. Ed watched his brother go and gave a small sigh, wondering when they would reach their goal. Al was missing out on way too much in his life...

He thought about that as he walked, but after a while he started to get the feeling that he was being watched. Ed glanced around, but no one was looking at him. It was just the normal morning crowed. People at cafés for breakfast reading over their newspaper or other reading material. The same with people waiting for busses. No one was looking at him, but...

Ed hurried across the street with the masses with a deep frown. He just _felt_ like someone or many someones were watching him. When he reached the sidewalk, he moved next to a building to get out of the way and looked around. He though he caught a couple of ladies looking his way, but when he glanced at them, they quickly looked away or back to the magazine they were reading.

Odd... So very odd...

0-0-0-0

Riza Hawkeye glanced at the colonel as he worked and wondered, not for the first time, if she should bring the subject up with him. What he did in his own personal life was one thing, but if it affected his work...

She thought of the article in the tabloid. It wasn't as if anything _definite_ had been said, but that Hawkins woman had a lot of open ended facts and had left a lot of questions unanswered. And then there was that picture and the fact that someone had seen them.

At first, she couldn't believe it, but the more she thought about it, the more that it would sort of make sense. The colonel _was_ a little lenient when it came to Edward. She'd always thought it was because of Ed's age and the fact that maybe the colonel felt some sort of paternal instinct toward him, but if the rumors were true...

Riza pulled the tabloid out and stared at it. She needed to know because it was important for her job. It had nothing to do with the fact that she just wanted to know; that she was curious. No. That wasn't it. It was completely job related.

Completely.

Taking a deep breath, she got up and started for the colonel's desk.

"Colonel, there's something that I would like to talk to you about," she said.

He looked up from the document he'd been going over and gave her a look of mild interest. She was about to speak when the door burst open and Ed came rushing into the room.

"Nice of you to make it," the colonel said, then glanced at his watch and added, "Two hours after you were supposed to be here."

"Sorry," Ed said unapologetically, then added, "I think I'm being watched..."

"If that's your excuse for being late—" the colonel began, but Ed cut him off.

"It's not. I just..." He trailed off, then muttered, "Never mind."

The colonel looked at him for a moment in consideration, then said, "Lieutenant, could you leave us alone? I think Fullmetal and I need to have a talk."

Would it be appropriate to leave them alone in his office? What were they going to talk about? Was it actually work related, or something else? Not that it was her business or her place to refuse his request, but...

"Yes, sir," she said, walking out of the room and taking the magazine with her. She headed toward the break room where she saw Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery, along with Maria Ross and Denny Brosh all gathered around one of the tables.

"Hey, just saw Ed rush by," Breda said. "He seemed in a hurry."

"Maybe he saw this," Denny said, holding up a tabloid identical to Riza's.

"It's possible..." She glanced behind her, then at the group. "The colonel asked me to leave while he talked to Edward alone."

0-0-0-0

Havoc smirked and looked at Breda. "Tell them what you told me," he said, then looked at Hawkeye. "I don't think everyone's heard it."

"Heard what?" Hawkeye said, taking a seat next to Maria Ross.

"I was there, at the library, when that librarian called The Gossip," Breda said knowledgably. "I saw her talking all excited on the phone and the other library chick told me that it was because she found out about them sleeping together."

"Are you serious?" Ross asked.

"Cross my heart," Breda said, making hand movements over his chest.

Havoc glanced from Ross to Hawkeye who were now looking at each other as if carrying on a silent conversation. Hawkeye raised an eye brow, to which Ross smiled a little and raised her own eyebrows, to which Hawkeye smirked.

"Would you like to share your thoughts with the rest of the class?" he asked irritably. Why was it that women could do stuff like that? Did they share brain waves? Where they linked in some sort of way as to confuse the male population?

"Well, it's just sort of..." Ross began, then looked at Hawkeye before finishing, "hot."

"_Hot_?!" Brosh echoed in disbelief. "Are you serious?" Havoc felt the same way. What was so hot about the colonel and Ed?

Hawkeye shook her head and said to Brosh, "What do you think of two women together?"

"Uh..." Brosh said, red tinting his cheeks a little. She looked to each of them as if posing the question to them all.

"Two hot babes together is sexy," Breda volunteered. "But that's different."

"_How_ exactly is that different?" Ross asked, eyebrow raised.

"The colonel and Ed aren't hot babes. They're two dudes," Breda pressed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world—which it was, to all those of male gender in the room.

The women shook their heads as if dealing with children who didn't understand. "Colonel Mustang and Ed are both good looking specimens of the male species," Ross said. "I'd actually never really thought about Ed in those terms, but... well..." She blushed lightly. "He isn't exactly a child anymore, is he?"

"I can't handle this anymore!" Fuery suddenly cried out. They all turned to see that his face was a deep red. He stood up and walked to the door. "I can't handle listening to all this perverted stuff." And with that, he was gone.

"Poor guy," Ross said pityingly.

"Some men just can't handle the thought that women enjoy the thought of men together..." Hawkeye said.

Havoc stared at them in disbelief. Truthfully, he'd never thought about women getting together and talking about men in the same way that they talked about women. It would have never occurred to him that a woman might like two men together in the same way that men often enjoyed two women together.

It was just so... strange...

He tried to imagine the colonel and Ed getting it on, and found that he couldn't really stomach the thought. Was that how women felt when they heard men talking about two women together?

"I have just been enlightened," he said suddenly as the thought sunk in. They all looked at him as if he was crazy, but he didn't care. "This is brilliant insight into the female psyche!" The mysteries of the universe were being opened to him! The more he knew, the easier it would be for him to land himself a woman! He was about to explain how amazing this new revelation was, when Ed stormed into the room.

"What an _asshole_," Ed growled. Ross pulled the magazine out of sight before Ed could see it. The teen plopped down in Fuery's empty chair and said, "Can you believe he said he was going to write me up if I wasn't 'there and on time' next Monday..."

Havoc stared at him, along with everyone else, and thought that Ed was such a brilliant actor. He really did look pissed, but he doubted that was so... unless they had a lover's spat. After all, the colonel wouldn't write up his _lover_, right?

When no one said anything, Ed glanced at them all and said, "What?" There were instant answers that nothing was wrong as they all looked anywhere but at him.

"Fuck... you all are crazy," Ed said irritably, then got up and stalked out of the room.

"Do you think we should have said something?" Ross asked after a long moment of silence.

To that, no one had an answer.

* * *

Hey! A week since the last update. That's not too shabby! Hope you enjoyed it!

—

**Comments are always welcome. :)**


	3. Lunch

-

**Object of Gossip**

**3**

**Lunch**

**-**

"_Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to un-ring a bell." –Shana Alexander-_

-

Ed stalked across the lawn of Central Headquarters as he made his way to the library. It wasn't like he really _needed_ to be at those meetings. Mustang was just trying to show that he had more power and authority than Ed did by threatening to write him up.

He glanced up as he entered the library grounds. There was a pavilion with a fountain in the front of Central's public library and five women either in their late teens or early twenties were gathered near the fountain talking.

They were all rather pretty, but Ed never had time for girls and they usually didn't have time for him either. He had a feeling it had to do with his height, and probably the automail too for those who knew about it. Being several inches taller was not something the ladies generally went for, but Ed was okay with that—now. It used to be a bit of a sore spot for him that he'd probably always find it difficult to find a date, but he realized that it was probably a good thing that he didn't have the distractions.

As he approached them—going through the pavilion was the only way to get to the front entrance from this angle—one of the girls spotted him and nudged one of her friends before calling out, "Hi Ed!"

He faltered slightly, unsure if he'd heard right. He watched as the rest of the girls turned to look at him, each getting a smile on their face.

"Uh... Hi..." he said, feeling a little unsure and really self-conscious. They were watching him like a hungry lion watches a baby deer.

"Heading to the library?" another one asked and they giggled as if at some private joke.

_Obviously,_ he thought, but said, "Yep. Someone's waiting for me... so, uh... bye."

He started to hurry off when he heard one of them say to the others, "He's meeting _someone_; like we don't know _who_!" At that they all laughed again. Feeling really uncomfortable now, Ed hurried inside the library to find Al.

The librarian—Sheska—waved enthusiastically at him, and he returned the wave before searching the library for his brother. When he couldn't find him, Ed decided to do some light reading until Al showed up, but after an hour, Ed realized that he was starting to get really hungry.

He could wait for Al, or he could try to bum money off of someone for lunch...

After another half hour, Ed decided that begging money off of someone sounded like the best idea. He left a message for Al at the front desk, and hurried off toward headquarters to find some poor sap to buy him lunch.

* * *

"Sir?"

Roy looked up to see Lieutenant Hawkeye walking up to his desk, magazine in hand.

"Yes?" he asked, then glanced at the clock. It was almost lunch time. She looked a little hesitant and _that_ caught his attention. "What is it?" he asked, giving her his full attention.

She glanced at the door behind her, then back at him. "Sir..." She paused, then said, "It's about you and Edward..."

He frowned. Him and _Fullmetal?_

"I know it's none of my business, but—"

"Hey, Colonel!" Ed called, sticking his head in the room. "Oh, sorry, am I intruding on something?" he asked when he saw that they were both staring at him.

"Ah... no..." Hawkeye said, glancing from him to Ed. "What can we do for you?"

"I'm starving and I don't have any cash. Can I bum some money from one of you until payday?"

"Oh really, Fullmetal..." Roy said in exasperation.

Ed stepped into the room and folded his arms. "Al was supposed to meet me at the library and he was going to bring food. He's not there and I'm famished. I'm going to _die_ if I don't get fed soon." He patted his flat stomach. "Look at me. I'm wasting away. The medical examiner is going to take one look at me and know that I died from starvation and malnutrition."

"I'm sure he will," Roy said dryly. "You obviously were never fed enough and the lack of vitamins and minerals must have stunted your growth."

"Exactly," Ed said, then opened his eyes wide when he realized what he'd just agreed to. "Now wait a minute! If that's the reason I never grew then it's your fault."

"_My_ fault?" Roy asked incredulously.

"Yes, your fault. You're my commanding officer. They'll wonder what kind of abuse I must have suffered under your hand all these years."

"You're breaking my heart," Roy said.

"I'm dying of starvation while you make fun of me!" Ed exclaimed.

"Well, I'd better feed you so that you don't start shrinking," Roy said with a laugh. He loved being able to get one up on Ed, especially concerning his height. Ed had become much more mature about his height—which meant that he balked it instead of spazzing out whenever the subject was mentioned—but it was still fun to tease him every once in a while.

"Oh you will?" Ed said, suddenly becoming much more pleasant.

Roy stood up and said, "You'll be paying me back, of course."

That killed a little of Ed's new found happiness. "Cheapskate," he muttered. Roy raised an eyebrow and sat back down. "Just kidding!" Ed said quickly, then smiled brightly. "I'll pay you back. Promise."

Roy nodded and stood back up. "Lunch does sound really good right now."

"Wha—wait," Ed said. "You're not just going to give me the money?"

"First of all, I'm hungry too. Second, you're only a major. As a full colonel, I get a better discount than you do. If I pay for your lunch with mine, that will save money."

"Well... I guess... Do I have to eat with you or can I find a separate table?" Ed asked.

"By all means, please eat somewhere else," Roy said. "I'm not accompanying you for the pleasure of your companionship."

"Asshole," Ed muttered.

"Brat," Roy threw back, then looked at Hawkeye. "Is this important or can it wait?" He hoped it could wait. He was pretty hungry.

She looked from one to the other, then said, "It can wait, sir."

"You sure?" Roy asked, walking around his desk and heading toward the door. "If it's serious, I can stay longer, you know that."

"No, not at all," she assured him.

"Is it classified?" he asked standing by the door now. "You're welcome to join us for lunch and—"

"No thank you, sir," she said quickly. "After lunch is fine." He studied her for a moment, not sure if he should stay behind or not, but if she said it wasn't all that important, then it must not be.

Walking out of the office, Ed said, "I'm guessing we're going to the cafeteria?"

"Got a problem with that?" Roy asked, walking beside Ed down the hall.

"Food is food," Ed replied.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, and when they entered the military cafeteria, Roy's stomach growled loudly. Getting in line, they stood side by side without speaking. Roy glanced around, feeling as though he was being watched, but no one in particular seemed to be staring at him...

When they reached the food, the lunch ladies smiled a little more than usual, though he wasn't quite sure if he should be pleased or not. The smiles seemed... knowing and hungry... amused too. He returned the smiles, but couldn't help feeling his own smile was a little forced.

The casher girl's eyes practically lit up when she saw him, which would normally make him mentally preen inside for attracting the attention of such a young specimen, but there was something about that look that seemed different than just plain interest in _him_... In fact, she seemed to be pleased to see Ed too...

When she rung up the total, the girl asked, "Are you paying for both?"

Roy felt slightly surprised, but also pleased that she was so perceptive. He nodded, and she gave him the total. Roy nearly choked at how much Ed's had cost. He looked over at Ed's tray in disbelief, then shook his head and pulled out his wallet.

"You're a pretty expensive date, you know that?" he said in jest. At least Ed would be paying him back—in theory... He glanced at the girl and was about to hand her the money, but stopped and frowned when he saw that same hungry and amused look in her eye that he'd seen from the servers.

He gave a forced smile and handed her the money, then waited for the change. Something was _seriously_ wrong with people today... He just wished he could figure out what it was... The girl handed him back his change with a big smile and wished them both a wonderful day.

Roy glanced at Ed who was wearing a confused look that matched how Roy felt. Shrugging, Roy walked over to a table and was about to sit down when he noticed Ed on the other side looking displeased.

"I thought you weren't going to sit with me," Roy said.

"I wasn't! But I like to sit here," Ed said, as he sat down. "You keep taking all my favorite spots."

"Excuse me?" Roy said. "_I_ take _your_ spots? I always sit here, unless it's taken."

"Me too!" Ed said, giving him a challenging stare. Roy sighed and shook his head before taking a bite of his food. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each focusing on their lunch, before Ed broke the silence.

"This is driving me nuts," he said in exasperation.

"What?" Roy asked, looking up in surprise.

"I swear, people are staring at me. I mean, I can _feel_ it, but when I look, there's no one."

Roy frowned and glanced around the cafeteria. "You know... I've been feeling the same way..."

"You have?" Ed asked.

"Yes. Ever since we came in here, it really has felt like someone was watching me."

"It's been since this morning for me," Ed said. "In fact, that's what I _told_ you, but you were too concerned about giving me a lecture to listen."

Roy glanced at Ed, then his eyes rested on a soldier—a staff sergeant—who looked to be in his mid-twenties. The soldier was staring at him and Roy expected that he'd look away once Roy caught his eye, but he didn't. Instead, he smiled, glanced quickly from side to side, then winked at Roy before, grabbing his tray and walking off.

Roy's roll slipped from his hands and clattered semi-noisily on his tray. "What... the... hell..." he muttered, watching the soldier leave the cafeteria.

"What?" Ed asked, turning to look behind him. After a moment, he turned back to look at Roy. "I didn't see anything."

Roy glanced at Ed, then to the doorway before grabbing his juice and taking a deep drink. There was _no way_ he was going to tell Ed that some _man_ had just _winked_ at him. No way in hell. He felt stunned and not really sure what to think. He'd just been winked at by a man... not just any man, but one of his fellow soldiers and a man much lower in rank than he... Hadn't the man worried at all about protocol?

He glanced around, wondering if anyone else had seen. No one was looking, and yet, sometimes... someone would be turning their head away so fast that he wondered if they _were_ looking at him.

"This is crazy..." he murmured, feeling extremely paranoid.

"I'm telling you..." Ed said. When Roy looked at him, Ed gave him a significant look. "There's something going on. I know it."

"Don't be ridiculous," Roy said, though he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Ed or himself.

"You said you felt like people were watching you too," Ed said in accusation as if Roy was somehow betraying him now.

"I did, but I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation to it all," Roy said, picking his roll back up and taking a bite.

Ed pressed his lips together, then said, "This is why I don't like you. You're an arrogant asshole who tries to cover everything up. I bet you couldn't tell me the truth if someone paid you."

"I'll always tell you the truth about how I feel about you," Roy said with a smirk. He was about ready to make a smart remark about Ed's height, when he was interrupted.

"Aww, well ain't that cute," Breda said as he sat down by Ed. He was followed by Havoc sitting on the other side of Ed. "It's so nice to know that you're so open with him, Colonel."

"Honesty is very important in a relationship," Havoc said, looking down at Ed.

"Except when you tell your girlfriend that she really does look fat in that skirt. Not such a good idea," Breda put in. Roy stood and picked up his tray. He didn't have any desire to sit here and listen to his subordinates be idiots.

"Didn't mean to interrupt anything, boss," Havoc said. "We can leave the two of you alone if you want."

"No thank you," Roy said, then looked at Ed. "Don't forget. You owe me. You'd better put out on Friday."

"Yeah, yeah," Ed said with a roll of the eyes. "You're always so pushy about these things. It's a wonder I'm still alive with the way you abuse me," Ed added, making reference to their earlier conversation.

"I only do it because you like it," Roy returned.

"What?" Ed balked.

"You're still here aren't you?" Roy retorted. "That must mean you enjoy all the things I do to you."

Ed opened his mouth, then closed it again and Roy knew that he'd won this time around. He vaguely noticed Havoc and Breda giving each other meaningful looks, but who knew what went on in their minds anyway...

* * *

I'm sorry that it took so long to get this one out to you. With leaving town for Yaoi Con and then taking a long break from the internet, it sort of messed up my writing on this one. I'll try to get more up soon though.

Also, if anyone is going to **Anime Banzai** next weekend, let me know! I'd love to say hi in person! :)

Thanks for reading.

—

**Comments are always welcome. :)**


	4. Finding Out

-

**Object of Gossip**

**4**

**Finding Out**

**-  
**Riza read over the article for what must have been the fiftieth time that day. She wondered if it was true. There was a good chance that it wasn't, but there must be some kernel of truth in all of this because almost all the stories in The Gossip were based on _something_. And then there was the picture... It was hard to discount something like that.

She'd talked to several people that day about this subject. It was a hot topic at the moment and she was surprised that neither the colonel nor Edward seemed aware of it. But then, both of them seemed to lean toward more intellectual reading material.

Looking up from the magazine, she glanced around the office, not able to keep herself from imagining the colonel and Ed in this office together. Had they ever used this room for more... _indecent_ activities? Her imagination was running wild with scenarios and she felt herself being affected by it.

Riza rubbed at her eyes and shook her head. She felt so dirty for allowing herself to think of them like that, but they _were_ both very good looking and she really _did _have a fetish for sexy men together. It had embarrassed her at one time, even admitting to herself that she liked such things; but over time she'd found that many women felt the same and she didn't feel so out of place.

She thought about the discussion in the break room earlier and gave a mirthless laugh as she remembered the men's reactions. Was it so difficult to imagine that there might be a flip side to enjoying the thought of two people of the same sex together? Why was it 'okay' for men to like specific things and not for women?

_Ridiculous_, she thought. If men had any idea how many women there were like her and Maria Ross... Riza smiled as she imagined their reactions, then her thoughts were interrupted when Colonel Mustang walked into the office. He glanced at where she was sitting on the couch, then walked over to his desk and sat down.

"How was lunch?" she asked.

"Disturbing," he grunted as he looked over some of the work that had been dumped on his desk while he'd been away.

Riza glanced down at the tabloid, trying to decide if this was a good time to ask him about this. But she couldn't handle not knowing if it was true. Even if it wasn't, she had a feeling she'd never look at the two of them the same way again.

"Colonel?" she said cautiously.

"Hm?"

She stood, walked over to the door, and shut it. That got his attention. He looked up at her questioningly as she moved to his desk.

"We need to talk..." she finally said.

"If we were dating, I'd be afraid," he said with a smirk. When he saw that she wasn't amused by his joke, he became more serious. "Alright, please continue."

"Have you read this?" she asked, holding up the magazine.

He glanced at it then shook his head. "I don't read that kind of garbage," he said, then added, "I'm surprised that you do."

"That's not the point," she said, choosing to ignore his words and the disapproving look he'd given her. "The point is _this_." She opened it to the story and set it down on the desk in front of him." He gave her a bewildered look, then glanced down at the tabloid and began to read. She watched as his look of mild disinterest turned to one of shock and horror.

* * *

"Did you get my message?" Ed asked as he plopped down into the chair and looked at Al. His brother was reading some magazine and didn't answer right away. "Al?" Ed repeated.

"Yeah I got it," Al said, his voice ribboned with displeasure.

"You're not mad are you? I mean, I was _starving_ and I did wait for you for a long time," Ed said, feeling a little uncomfortable now.

Al looked over the top of the magazine at him and said, "Why didn't you tell me about you and the colonel?"

"Eh... what?" Ed asked, feeling suddenly off balance. "I did... I left a message with the librarian... You said you got it..."

Al made a sound of frustration, then said irritably, "Not _that_, I mean _this_." And with that, Al flipped over the magazine for Ed to take a look at what he was reading.

The first thing that caught his attention was the picture of him and Mustang that Hughes had taken of them last week. He frowned as he began to quickly read the article, and with each sentence, Ed felt his temper rise as his stomach dropped—making him feel sick with embarrassment.

* * *

Roy was speechless—stunned. Him and _Ed_?! That was just... _ridiculous_! Roy had never even _dated_ another male before. And even if he _had_ dated men, Roy wasn't one to go for someone so much younger than himself. It was just insane that anyone would believe such garbage!

Wasn't it...?

He looked up into Hawkeye's eyes and was shocked to see the question there. How could she even believe this for a moment? Had he ever given any indication that he liked Fullmetal in that way? _Ever?_

"Sir?" Hawkeye asked after several minutes of silence.

He shook his head, trying to come up with _something_ to say to this. "This is _ridiculous,_" he finally said. "This is... No one actually _believes_ this, do they?"

"Actually..." Hawkeye said hesitantly. "You do have quite the playboy reputation..."

"Not with _men_!" Roy said defensively, looking over the picture and trying to decide how best to fry Hughes's ass for ever letting that picture get into the hands of this foul magazine. This was his _reputation_ that was on the line! How would he ever get a date now? He had a sudden vision of the soldier in the cafeteria and corrected himself. A _female _date!

Roy frowned deeply as he pondered this, trying to work it all out in his mind. "Have you... by chance..." he started hesitantly. "Inquired of what others think of this..." The shock was starting to wear off and he was beginning to think a little more rationally. There had to be a way he could use this to his advantage...

"Well, some of the men think it's disgusting, but you'll always have intolerant people like that. Some think it's a little odd, but most a lot of them are... well, sort of amused. And then there are the men whose preferences run along those lines. They're actually kind of happy about it," she said.

"Lieutenant..." Roy said with thin patience. "I don't _care_ what the _men_ think about it. I want to know what the _ladies_ think."

She nodded and said, "I've heard some are a little upset with it since Ed is so young, but he really is almost an adult now..." She trailed off for a moment, then continued. "Some are a little disappointed that they won't even have a chance with you now." She rolled her eyes at that, then said, "But there is a large portion of women who are..." She paused as if trying to decide whether to say something or not.

"Who are what?" he asked, feeling a little worried.

"They're... well... they're quite enamored with the idea."

He stared at her for a moment, then said, "Are you _insane_?!" She couldn't be serious. Why would anyone find the thought of him and Ed together attractive?

"Well, sir..." she said, her tone taking on the air of a school teacher. "Think of it this way..."

* * *

"I'm going to _kill_ this bitch..." Ed seethed. He would! After he killed the librarian and Hughes.

"So it's not true?" Al asked in a tone Ed couldn't place.

"No!" he snapped, then lowered his voice when several people made hushing sounds at him. "Of course not! I've never been with _anyone_, let alone _Mustang_!" Okay, a little embarrassing to admit, but it was the truth. "When would I have had time to be... what they say... with Mustang?" Ed asked as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well... there are lots of times when it's just you and him in his office..." Al explained.

"Don't even go there," Ed said warningly, pointing a finger at his brother. "Don't _even_ go there..."

* * *

He listened to her explain about men liking more than one woman and it being opposite with growing interest, then asked, "Women actually think that way?"

"Well... yes. They do."

Roy rubbed thoughtfully at his chin, trying to figure out how to best use this to his advantage. "I never knew women were so... _kinky_..." he mused out loud.

"Sir, it's not just about sex," Hawkeye said, seeming to understand where this was going. He glanced up at her and raised an eyebrow in question. "While it is pleasing to see two very good looking men together, those women who enjoy this sort of thing," she began, sounding a little cautious, "they like to believe there's more there than just the sex. There's a romance factor, and many of them believe that those types of men are more in touch with their feelings that other men. They're believed to be more emotional and understanding."

Roy thought about this for a moment. What she was describing sounded like a wuss to him; a prime example of a 'girly man'. How could any woman find that attractive at all? But who understood women anyway? It wasn't as if they were rational creatures... In fact... As the idea hit him, Roy smiled widely. There _was _a way he could use this to his advantage... He just needed to get Ed to cooperate with him...

"Lieutenant," Roy said seriously, with all the feeling he could dredge up without feeling too ridiculous. "When you look at me, do you see someone who is in touch with his feelings? Someone emotional and understanding?"

Hawkeye searched his eyes for a long time, then with a sigh, she said, "Not really, sir..."

* * *

"But you _would_ tell me if..." Al began, then trailed off when his brother narrowed his eyes at him.

"There is no way in hell I'd ever sleep with Mustang," Ed snapped.

Al wanted to believe that, but he wouldn't put it past Ed to keep something from him if he thought it was in his best interest.

Without warning, Ed stood up quickly, knocking his chair over. "I'm going to find Mustang," he stated. "If he knew about this and didn't tell me..." Ed gritted his teeth together. "I bet he was laughing at me the whole time..."

"Brother..." Al soothed, suddenly worried about the colonel's well being should Ed get to him in this state of mind. "Maybe you should tell me how this rumor—" But Ed cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"I'll be back..." Ed said resolutely, the turned and ran off.

Al watched his brother go, wondering if he should follow. In the end, he decided against it. He wasn't in the mood to watch the colonel and Ed fight, and he really did hate seeing his brother embarrass himself.

Nope, he'd just wait right here in the library and research... Picking up the tabloid, Al looked at the picture with a mixture of confusion and curiosity. Yes... he'd stay here and research... after he reread the article...

* * *

Riza watched as the colonel stood up and walked around the desk toward her. She'd known him long enough that she could tell when he was up to something. So far, she'd yet to get a straight answer from him concerning the rumors. She'd also watched him go from surprised and shocked, to cool and collected. Most likely he really had been surprised by the article, but he'd had enough time to figure out what he wanted to do with it now.

"I _am_ in touch with my feelings," the colonel said, putting a hand to his heart. "I'm just... It's not easy to be so open about it..."

She gave him a bland look. "It's not true, is it—about you and Ed." It wasn't a question. He stared at her with a slightly hurt look, and opened his mouth to say something, when she raised her eyebrows and gave him a disbelieving look. The Roy Mustang she knew would never say what he had just said.

He frowned, and then the hurt look was gone, replaced by one of resignation. "Well, I can't convince you if you don't want to be convinced..."

"Right..." she said disbelievingly. "So is it true or not?"

He gave a small half smile and opened his mouth to say something, when the door burst open and a heaving Edward Elric stood in the doorway. The teen pointed at the colonel and snarled through gasping breaths, "You... talk... _now_..."

"If you'll excuse us, Lieutenant..." the colonel said politely. "Ed and I need to have a _private_ discussion..."

She glanced at him, then at Ed who looked furious, before nodding and walking out the door. After shutting it behind her, Riza stared at the door for a long moment. The colonel was up to something... she was _sure_ of it... She glanced down at the tabloid in her hand and wondered again if it was true.

After the discussion she had just had with him, Riza was more inclined to say that it most probably wasn't, but... She looked at the door again. He wasn't one to let things happen without trying to turn it to his advantage.

Riza opened the magazine and looked at the picture of the colonel and Edward. Did it _really_ matter if it was true or not? Even if it wasn't, there was always her imagination, and if it was... so much the better.

She remembered the colonel's initial reaction, then had a thought. Riza looked at the office door. He wouldn't... She pondered on it, then a small smile tugged at her lips. He would... Not sure if she should be pleased or not, Riza walked away, wondering how long they'd have to wait for a definite answer from the two alchemists.

* * *

Well, it took me a lot longer than I'd expected to get the next chapter out. Sorry about that. Hopefully it won't take that long next time.

--

Comments are always appreciated.


	5. Plotting

**-**

**Object of Gossip**

**5**

**Plotting**

**-  
**"_The beginning of a plot is the prompting of desire." – Christopher Lehmann-Haupt -  
_-

"Edward... I didn't expect to see you again so soon." Ed scowled both at the use of his full name and at the slyly pleased tone Mustang was using.

"You knew!" Ed growled.

Mustang's eyebrows lifted and his smile widened. "Knew... what?"

"Don't play games with me!" Ed exclaimed. "I saw what Hawkeye was carrying! You knew about that stupid article and you didn't tell me!"

Mustang smirked, then leaned back against his desk and folded his arms. "Actually, I just found out myself."

Ed's scowl deepened. "I don't believe you. If you just found out then why are you so calm? Aren't you pissed? You can't expect me to believe that you're fine with people thinking that you and me are doing what they say!" He could feel blood rushing to his face and he hoped that Mustang would confuse his blush with anger rather than embarrassment.

Shaking his head, Mustang said, "No, I'm not exactly pleased with it, but I think we can benefit from it."

"Benefit?!" Ed repeated in disbelief.

"I have a plan that will make the ladies _flock_ to us," Mustang said, sounding pleased.

"I'm not interested in that," Ed said dismissively. "If the plan of yours involves me finding the Philosopher's Stone, or getting Al back to normal, then I'm in. But I'm not interested in getting dates."

"Not _interested?!_" Mustang said in disbelief. "How can you not be interested?!" He pushed away from the desk and walked toward Ed. "Women are what make the world go around!"

"Not for me," Ed grunted.

Mustang eyed him in amusement, then grinned and asked, "You're still a virgin, aren't you?"

"What?! No!" Ed denied without thinking, though he could feel his face heat even more than it had been.

Mustang stopped when he was in front of Ed and smirked down at him. "Then maybe you're not a real man."

"What do you mean by _that_?!" Ed snapped angrily. If this was a set up for Mustang to poke fun at his height, Ed would be sure to make him pay...

"There are _needs_ and _desires_ that only women can fill. You'd know that if you really were a _real _man, but maybe you aren't... Should I check?" Mustang asked, reaching down and grabbing Ed's crotch.

Ed yelped and seized Mustang's arms to push him away when the door opened and Vato Falman stepped into the office. Both Ed and Mustang stared at him in frozen surprise. Falman took one look at them, then turned around without a word and quickly left the office, closing the door behind him.

Pushing Mustang away, Ed snarled, "You can't just _grab_ me! Now he's going to think that dumb article was right and you can be sure _everyone_ will be gossiping about it!" Not that they weren't already, but this would only make it _worse_!

Mustang looked thoughtfully down at his hand and flexed it before glancing at Ed. "Well, I guess you really are a man, but there must be something wrong with you if you don't want women to desire you."

"There's nothing _wrong_ with me," Ed snapped. "I just have other things that are more important than girls and dates. I don't need a girl to fulfill my 'desires'," Ed said, bringing his hands up and bending his two pointer fingers and middle fingers when he said 'desires' as if to make quotation marks around his words.

"You poor, poor soul..." Mustang said sympathetically and patted him on the shoulder. "Going solo is good, but it's _much_ better with two."

Ed stared at him for a moment, then pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes, and muttered in embarrassment, "I cannot believe I'm having this discussion with you..." He felt Mustang's hand leave his shoulder and when he looked back up, Ed saw that the colonel was now lounging on one of the couches.

"I'm not saying this is the _ideal_ situation," Mustang said, not looking at Ed, but instead up at the ceiling. "But you have to make the best out of what you're given."

"Well, according to you, I was given a big mouth, so I'm going to take what was given me and use it to tell everyone that we're not dating," Ed said pointedly.

Mustang's lips curled up and shook his head, but instead of saying something to discourage Ed from doing what he said he was going to do, Mustang said, "You'll see. In the end, you'll come back to me and agree on this."

"No, I won't," Ed said stubbornly, folding his arms across his chest.

"Yes... you will," Mustang said with a knowing chuckle.

* * *

"And _then_," Breda said with a laugh. "I was just about to ask her out when—" He cut off when he saw Falman running up to them. His eyes were wide, and he kept glancing back behind them.

"Let me guess," Havoc said, taking a drag off his cigarette. "Hughes found you and assaulted you with his latest bunch of pictures." There was some collective laughter, and Havoc added, "I barely escaped with my life."

"No, no," Falman said between heavy breaths. "The colonel... and Ed... alone in office..." He waved a hand as if to say that he needed to catch his breath before going on.

"Yeah, Hawkeye already told us they were alone up there," Breda said, nodding to the lieutenant.

"I was there when Ed came barging in," she confirmed, then glanced at Ross. "Ed looked pretty upset..."

The two of them shared a small smile, and Ross said, "I would be too if my love life was out there for everyone to know."

"You know," Fuery said, his face flaming now. "He's probably mad because none of it's true."

To that, Breda put an arm around Fuery's shoulder and said, "Oh ye of little faith! I bet they're up there right now, banging each other like—"

But he never got a chance to finish because Fuery slapped his hands over his ears and began repeating, "I can't hear you. I can't hear you," as he walked away.

There was a lot of good natured laughter at that, then eventually they turned and looked at Falman, who had now caught his breath and seemed to be waiting for them to finish before telling whatever juicy facts he had to share.

"Well? Spit it out man, we don't have all day," Havoc said, lighting another cigarette and checking his watch. "We eventually have to go back inside and pretend we're working."

Falman let them wait for a moment longer, then cleared his throat and said, "I didn't know the colonel and Ed were having a private meeting and I opened the door and saw..." He trailed off, as if not sure exactly how he wanted to continue, then said, "The colonel was groping Ed."

They all stood there in silence for a moment, digesting the information, then Breda said in imitation of Fuery, "But! But! Maybe you saw it wrong! Maybe the colonel was patting Ed's back for a job well done."

"Yeah, but _what_ job?" Havoc added with a laugh. "Oh! Hey, hey, there's the chief now!" He pointed over to the main entrance and they all watched Ed stalk angrily down the steps then into the large courtyard.

"He looks pissed," Brosh observed.

* * *

Ed stalked out of military headquarters and was into the courtyard when he heard someone call, "Eeeeeeed!" He stopped and glanced around, then saw Hawkeye, Havoc, Breda, Ross, Falman, and Brosh standing in the shade of one of the trees that dotted the grounds around the building. Breda was waving at him to come to them. Ed hesitated. He really wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to them right now or not, but Breda was calling him again and people were starting to stare.

Grumbling, Ed walked toward them. What he wanted to do was go to that stupid magazine bitch and tell her to stop writing lies, but he supposed no more damage could be done in the few minutes it would take to talk to his co-workers.

"What do you want," Ed grunted, thrusting his hands in his pockets and glaring at them all. He was irritated at them all for being in such a good mood while he was in such a shitty one.

"We, uh, you know, we just wanted to ask you some questions," Breda answered.

Ed rolled his eyes. "_What_ questions?" he ground out. Like he didn't already know...

"Well, we've all read the story on you and the colonel," Ross said, at least having the decency to sound serious. "And we thought it would be better to hear it from you instead of through the rumor mill."

"There is no fucking way that I'm dating that asshole. It's all lies!" Ed snapped angrily. He could feel his face heating and he looked away. This was soooo embarrassing!

"All lies huh?" Havoc asked skeptically. "Is that true, Colonel?" Ed flinched and turned around quickly. Colonel Mustang had just stopped right behind him and was looking seriously down at Ed.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't leave until we had a chance to finish our discussion," Mustang murmured, then looked up at Havoc. "I didn't know the military paid all of you to stand around gossiping."

"Sure they do," Breda said easily. "Just like they pay you to slack off, right?" One corner of Mustang's lips quirked up, then Breda said, "So are the rumors true? About you and Ed dating?" Ed glared up at Mustang, silently sending death threats if he said that it was true.

Mustang glanced down at Ed, then put a hand on Ed's shoulder, gave him a small reassuring smile, then dropped his hand before looking at Breda and saying, "I really don't think that is yours or anyone else's business."

Ed blinked. That wasn't a confirmation or a denial... That was... That was... What the hell _was_ that?!

Mustang gave the group a smile that seemed to say 'I have a secret and I'm not telling', then looked down at Ed. "Why don't we go back to my office and finish our discussion."

"Fuck you!" Ed growled.

Mustang raised an eyebrow and asked, "In front of everyone?" Ed's mouth dropped open at the unexpected retort. He sputtered as he tried to think of a good comeback and tried to ignore his burning face. The laughter from the other officers didn't help at all...

Raising his middle finger, Ed snapped, "Go eat shit and die," before stomping away. He didn't need this in his life right now. There were plenty of other complications without _this_! Why didn't Mustang just say they weren't dating?! The answer the colonel had given was so _him_, which made it all the more infuriating. From anyone else, it might seem fake or forced, but Mustang was a man of secrets, and him being vague was nothing new.

Ed passed some girls and thought he heard something about 'a lover's quarrel', but he ignored them and quickened his step. He needed to blow off some steam before heading back to the library, so Ed turned away from the direction of the library and decided to go for a walk before joining Al. After that he'd just go back to his table, sit with Al, and bury himself in his research. If Mustang wanted to play along with this crap, then fine... whatever... but Ed wasn't going to have any part in it.

* * *

Alphonse knocked respectfully on Colonel Mustang's office door and waited. He hadn't been able to concentrate very well after Ed left and he'd finally decided he couldn't take it anymore. He'd hoped that Ed would still be in the colonel's office, but now that he was here, Al decided Ed must be gone. It was just far too quiet.

He heard a faint, "Come in," so he opened the door and stuck his head inside. Colonel Mustang was sitting at his desk and when he saw who it was at his door, he smiled and waved for Al to come inside.

"Alphonse," the colonel said warmly—a little _too_ warmly, Al thought, but he kept that to himself.

"I'm sorry to bother you Colonel Mustang, but... have you seen my brother?"

A concerned look crossed the colonel's face and he said worriedly, "He just left about five or ten minutes ago... He was pretty upset. I'm really worried about him."

Al nodded slowly and looked around as he tried to decide what he wanted to say next. Finally, he said, "He just found out about that article..." He trailed off, watching the colonel's face for a reaction.

Apprehension flashed across the colonel's features and he looked away. "Ah... yes... that... Ed is pretty embarrassed about it."

Al waited, but when nothing more was said, he asked, "So... is it true?" He felt a little guilty asking this question since Ed had said there was nothing to it, but... well... he'd just feel a little _better_ if Colonel Mustang confirmed it. The colonel glanced at him, then away again before turning and walking slowly to one of the large windows behind his desk.

"I'm sure you've asked your brother that same question," the colonel finally said.

"Of course."

"And... what did he say?" The colonel sounded like he was bracing himself for something.

Al shifted his weight, then said, "He said it was a lie."

A long moment passed, then the colonel nodded. "I figured that's what he'd say." Colonel Mustang turned around and put a hand on the back of his chair and stared solemnly at Al. "I'm not really sure I'm the one you should be having this conversation with."

Al thought about that for a moment, then said, "Yeah, you're probably right. I'm sorry. I'll... I'm... I'm sorry to have bothered you." If he could have blushed, Al probably would have. Of course he should be bringing this matter up with Ed instead of the colonel. What was he thinking?

"No bother at all," the colonel said, walking toward him. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"I can't think of anything," Al said.

Colonel Mustang rested a hand on Al's back, and started guiding him toward the door. "If I see Ed, I'll tell him you came looking for him, aright?"

"Alright..." Al said as he stepped out of the office. There was another smile from the colonel, then the door was shut and Al was left standing alone out in the hallway.

* * *

Opening the library door, Ed walked swiftly to the back of the building to where his favorite table was, then stopped when he saw that Al wasn't there. Ed glanced around. Where could he have gone...? Ed needed Al to be there. He didn't want to be alone right now... he needed someone who was on his side to be with him, to help him ignore all the distractions.

He stared at the table for a while longer, then shrugged and started looking for books he wanted to go through. Al would come back soon enough and then Ed would tell him about all the assholes in Central who couldn't mind their own business, and then Al would tell him to forget about it and to just concentrate on the Philosopher's Stone. They'd just ignore everyone and be in their own little world. Maybe they'd even decide to leave town for a while.

Ed sat down with his books and smiled to himself, glad that he'd at least have one person in all this mess who would believe him unconditionally.

* * *

**Comments are love**. :)


	6. Books

**-**

**Object of Gossip**

**6**

**Books**

**-  
**Roy was just rinsing out his hair when the doorbell rang. It wasn't all that often he got visitors and, as he continued to rinse, he debated whether or not he should hop out of the shower and answer the door. The doorbell rang again, this time twice, and Roy grumbled to himself as he quickly stepped out of the shower, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around his waist before running to the door.

The bell rang again, and Roy looked out the peephole to see Riza Hawkeye. Thinking that it must be really important for her to visit like this without calling first, he unlocked the door, and opened it a crack.

"Yeeeesss?" he asked, his voice dripping with the irritation he felt, the same way his body was dripping soapy water onto the floor.

She took one look at him and pressed her lips together as if to stop herself from laughing. It didn't work though, and she said through some chuckles, "I'm sorry I didn't call first."

"Right," he muttered. "Is this important?"

"Maybe," she said cryptically. He eyed her, taking in the fact that she was in civilian clothes and that there was a large and very heavy-looking sack at her feet.

Roy let out an exasperated sigh and opened the door a little wider before waving her inside. As he shut the door, Roy said, "Give me five minute to finish my shower." Without waiting for a response, Roy left her alone in the living room.

Rushing through the rest of his shower, Roy was dressed and back in the living room within seven minutes. He found her sitting in a chair and flipping through a small book. The bag she'd brought with her was open now and he could see there were other small books just like it filling the bag.

"What's in the bag?" he asked curiously.

"Books," she answered with a mischievous grin.

"Really?" he asked sarcastically. "I hadn't realized." Then he shook his head. Remembering his manners he said, "Would you like something to drink?"

"No thank you," she said with that same smile.

With a nod, he sat down on the couch across from her. "Alright, what's this about?"

"I know what you're up to," she said knowingly. When he raised a questioning eyebrow, she added with a little more amusement, "About the thing with Edward. I know what you're doing, or trying to do anyway."

Roy spread his hands out and gave her the most innocent look he could come up with. "I...m really not sure what you mean, Lieutenant."

"Don't play coy with me. I know there's nothing going on between the two of you."

He grinned and dropped his hands. "You might be right," he conceded.

"I _am_ right," Hawkeye insisted, then said, "This isn't any of my business. As long as you do your work, then I don't care what you do or don't do with your free time."

Roy crossed one of his legs over the other and folded his arms across his chest. "Then why are you here?" he asked curiously. A thought occurred to him and he grimaced slightly. "You're not here to 'protect' Ed are you?"

"No, I'm not here to protect Ed. I think he's mature enough to handle this one on his own, though don't you think it's a little cruel to put him in this position?"

At that, Roy grinned. "_I_ didn't put him in this position," he said, spreading his hands wide in a 'helpless' gesture. "I'm simply taking advantage of the opportunities." He dropped his hands and rested his arms easily on the back of the couch. "Besides, what would I gain if I got upset the way Ed is? It would only fuel the fire more and I would be miserable. If Ed would just go along with me and play his cards right, he could shorten the time all of this goes on _and_ he might be able to score himself some girls too."

Hawkeye set the book in her lap and folded her arms as she studied him. "So you're basing your actions on the idea that denials only make people believe the lies more?"

He nodded. "Exactly. You and I both know I've never dated a man in my life." Roy paused, trying to decide how much he wanted to say. "I'll admit I was shocked at first, and..." He stopped again, thinking about how he'd felt earlier that day when he'd realized what was being said about him. It had been more than a shock; it had been... Roy wasn't even sure if he could come up with the right word.

Putting a finger to his temple and starting to rub gently, Roy said, "I mean... me and _Ed?_ That's just ridiculous. Even if I _was_ going to date a man, which I have no intentions of doing, I just can't imagine any reason why it would be him. There are _far_ too many reasons why such an arrangement would never work."

"You're both very good looking. You'd make a very handsome couple," Hawkeye said with a grin.

He dropped his hand, and said accusingly, "Now you're just making fun of me."

"Yes and no," she admitted. "I wasn't lying when I told you there are many women who like the idea of two men together, especially two very good-looking men."

Roy grinned widely. "You think I'm good looking?"

Hawkeye rolled her eyes. "You'd better stop trying to flirt with me or you'll get on the wrong side of the women you're trying to play to. Ed is the younger one in the relationship and so thought to be the more vulnerable one. You don't want to be thought of as a heartless flirt who tramples on the heart of his beloved, do you?"

Roy grimaced at her words and at how ridiculous they sounded. "Sorry, but I think you lost me. Are we still speaking the same language?"

Hawkeye smiled in amusement, then lifted the book in her lap. "I brought you some literature. Think of it as... study materials for your new scheme. You should at least know the audience you're playing to and what they're going to be expecting from you." Roy frowned, and when she tossed him the book, he caught it deftly and stared down at it before opening it to somewhere near the center and starting to read.

* * *

Riza nearly laughed as she watched the colonel's expression turn from mild curiosity to confusion, then to disbelief. His eyes widened a little as he read, he held the book closer to his face and she could see that his eyes were moving even faster as he read quickly. Mustang turned the page, then grimaced, then he scratched his head before looking up at her.

"What _is_ this crap?" he asked in disbelief.

"Just what I told you it was," she said. There was always the possibility that Mustang and Ed could pull this off without knowing what they were going into, but Riza had a feeling they might get eaten alive without some guidance. At least, this way they'd know how many women viewed men in their situation—at least on a fantasy level.

"You..." he began, then shook his head. "You _do_ know that men don't really think or act like that, don't you?" he asked in wry amusement. "We just don't. This is completely..." He looked down at the book again, then back at her. "Do women really believe this garbage about men?"

There were plenty of things Riza could have said, but instead she merely smiled. Some women easily distinguished between fact and fantasy, but most women really didn't understand the male mind, the same way men didn't understand the female mind. The consequences of such were that men often over-sexualized women and women often over-emotionalized men.

"Think of this as a... study... into the female mind," she said, not sure if she could hold back her amusement or not. Roy Mustang had stepped into dangerous territory by deciding to play to this crowd because as much as it existed, it just wasn't made _public_. Women like her and Lieutenant Ross, they were part of what could be viewed as an 'underground club' of sorts. They liked what they liked, but it was so unconventional that they only got it through books—usually written by women for women—or through their own imagination. The idea that it was about to become 'real' in such a public manner would be enough to send many women into a delighted frenzy.

Unfortunately, if the colonel didn't play this right, it could backfire, and that wouldn't be pretty. But then, perhaps he would deserve such a backfire. While Riza didn't think Ed needed protection, she did think that it was unfair of Mustang to try dragging the teen into his scheme when he was so animatedly against this whole arrangement.

The colonel closed the book and gave her a flat stare. "This is ridiculous."

"You started it, sir," she said with a smile.

"No, that woman from The Gossip started it."

"But you decided to play along. If you're going to do it, you should at least do it right... right?"

He glanced to the bag near her feet. "So all those books are trash just like this?" he asked, holding up the book in his hand.

"Pretty much," she said. "I brought you some of the best. Courtesy of Sheska."

"Sheska?" he asked.

"The girl from the library."

He looked back down at the book. "If this is the best, then the worst must be really shitty."

"You've only read a page or two. Read a couple of the books before you give judgment," she said, again feeling amused. "And there's more where this came from, but I thought I'd start you off small."

"You didn't tell that girl you were bringing them to me, did you?" he asked suspiciously.

"No. Your secret is safe with me," she said lightly. Riza had absolutely no plans of stepping in on this one. "Just let me know when you're done and when you want more."

"I think this will be enough," he muttered, staring at the bag of books like it was poison. "You could have at least brought me something with women in it too..."

"Save that for after you get yourself out of this mess," she said in amusement. He didn't seem to understand what that meant, but he would. Very soon now he'd realize what he'd done to himself.

* * *

Ed stared dolefully at Alphonse over the top of his book. There had been a quiet tension between them ever since Al had re-joined him at the library earlier that day. Each time Ed had tried to start a conversation, Al had simply grunted or given a short response, then... nothing. It had been so frustrating. Ed had wanted to talk to his brother about what Mustang was doing. Well, not really _talk_, more like _rant_, but it was hard to do that when the other person was trying to ignore you.

At first, Ed had been puzzled over this treatment, then he'd been worried once he remembered that the last thing they'd talked about was the magazine article. Now he just felt irritable and angry. Al was so passive-aggressive sometimes and it annoyed the hell out of Ed. He wished his brother would just come out and say whatever was on his mind.

Dropping the book on the floor, Ed said, "Okay, so what is it?" He was tired of this. It was time to just have it out.

"What?" Al asked evasively.

"Why the fuck are you avoiding me?" Ed asked outright.

"I'm not avoiding you!" Al answered back defensively. Ed didn't say anything to that, simply stared at his brother, who started to fidget nervously.

"Just fucking _say_ it!" Ed snapped in exasperation. He wasn't in the mood for this right now.

"Well... that article..." Al started.

Ed flopped backward on his bed and grunted. "It's bullshit, Al."

Al looked down at the book he'd been reading previously and mindlessly rubbed one of his massive fingers over the spine. "So... you and the colonel..."

"All lies," Ed said flatly. He couldn't _believe_ Al would ever believe such a thing. It was ridiculous! Him... and _Mustang_?! When Al didn't say anything, Ed said, "No really, come on, can you really see me and Mustang dating?" Ed laughed even as he said it. Completely ridiculous.

Al looked up. "No... but when I talked to the colonel—"

"You talked to Mustang?" Ed asked, cutting Al off. "When? Where?"

"This afternoon in his office," Al said.

Ed rolled off the bed and started pacing back and forth in irritation. "Great. Just fucking great. I'll bet he told you we were dating, didn't he?"

"Not really. He said I should talk to you about it."

He stopped pacing and faced Al. "Look," Ed said, trying to act calm. It wasn't Al's fault that Mustang was an asshole. "It's not true. Mustang just wants to pretend it's true so that he can get more girls. He's trying to get me to go along with his stupid plan, but I'm not going to."

"Uh huh..." Al said slowly. "So... the colonel wants to pretend that you and him are dating so he can get more girls to date him...?" Was that skepticism Ed heard in his brother's voice?

"Right," Ed said with a nod, deciding that he'd just been imagining the skepticism. He felt pleased that Al finally understood the situation he was in. But as the seconds dragged on in silence, Ed started to feel a little uncomfortable under Al's fixed gaze.

Finally, Al put a hand on Ed's shoulder and said in that patient tone he sometimes got when he thought Ed was being irrational, "I'm not mad at you, but I do wish you'd just tell me the truth."

"What?!" Ed squawked.

"Brother, your story is just ridiculous," Al said patiently. "Why would a guy pretend to go out with another guy to get girls?" Ed's mouth dropped open in disbelief. How could Al not believe him?

"I don't know!" Ed snapped. "Ask Mustang. He's the one who came up with the stupid idea!"

Al shook his head and looked back down at his book. "I don't care if you're gay—"

"I'm not gay!" Ed protested.

"But if putting on this act makes you feel more secure, then I guess I can accept that," Al continued. He sounded a little hurt, but also resigned as well.

Ed slapped a hand to his forehead and growled, "It's _not_ an act! And even if I _was _gay—and I'm not—then why the hell would I want to date _Mustang_?"

Al turned a page and said, "I've never understood your tastes in anything, brother."

"Aaaarg! You're not even listening to me!" Ed complained, then stomped over and put his hand over Al's book to get his attention. "I am not gay."

"Bi?"

"No!" Ed snapped.

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Then how come I never see you dating any girls?" Al asked.

Ed opened his mouth, to say something, but it died in his throat as he thought about that. His first thought was that he was just too busy, but the truth was that he really didn't think about dating girls. Sure he'd gone through a phase where he'd wanted them to notice him, and he'd been a little peeved when they hadn't. But that had been during a time when he'd been trying to prove to himself that he was just as normal as any other guy his age, even if he was several inches shorter.

But even then, he hadn't thought about those girls in romantic terms. He hadn't looked at them and thought they were sexy or attractive beyond a purely platonic sense. His wanting girls to notice him had been more about _him_ than about _them_. Ed felt a little stunned by this new bit of self revelation and it took him a second to come back to the subject at hand.

"Because I'm too busy researching and stuff," Ed said slowly. He shook his head, trying to clear it, then stepped away and flopped back onto his bed. "Fine," he grunted in a slight pout. Turning on his side so that his back was to his brother, Ed said, "Don't believe me."

"I don't," Al affirmed.

Ed let out a deep breath through his nose and stared at the wall in thought. Okay, so he didn't think about girls like that, big fucking deal. It was true that he was pretty busy with other things and he did have more important items of business to deal with on a regular basis, but that didn't mean he was gay.

Did it?

He probed his mind and memories, trying to think if there were any times he'd thought about men in that way, but he was coming up with nothing. It wasn't just that he didn't think about girls, he didn't think about men either. Dating to 'hook up' with someone had never really been a priority of his. All he'd ever wanted was to have a date to prove that his height didn't matter.

The conversation he'd had earlier with Mustang came to mind. The colonel seemed to think that women were the center of the universe. For that matter, a lot of guys he knew felt the same way. He'd always thought they were kinda weird, but now Ed wondered if _he_ was the one who was weird.

Ed rubbed idly at the sheet on his bed with one finger, suddenly feeling extremely unhappy and confused. Until five minutes ago, he'd been so sure about everything. Five minutes ago he'd known exactly who he was and what he wanted out of life—none of which included romance in any sense of the word. Now he wasn't sure about anything at all, and he was a little worried about trying to find the answers because what if he didn't like what he found?

* * *

**Comments are love.**


	7. An Unexpected Breakfast

**-**

**Object of Gossip**

**7**

**An Unexpected Breakfast**

**-**

_All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast. –Jon Gunther–_

-  
When the alarm buzzed, Roy immediately turned it off and yawned widely, wishing he hadn't stayed up all night reading. Reluctantly, he marked his place in the book he was currently reading, then tossed it into his nightstand drawer. The rest of the books were tucked safely under his bed.

Being a fast reader, Roy had finished two of the books and was almost done with a third one. To say these books were intellectually stimulating would be over exaggerating, but they did have a certain... charm... about them.

The first book he'd read had been rather light reading. The romance between the two main men had been straightforward and a little naïve. The male characters had been so feminized that it was almost painful to his masculinity to read. The second book, which had been pretty long, and a pretty well written plot with a complex love triangle. He'd actually enjoyed it for the most part, except for the obviously unrealistic mannerisms of most of the male characters, and the fact that _everyone_ died at the end. What the hell kind of book was that?

By the third book, he'd come to somewhat accept that the men in the books weren't going to act like _real_ men, as he thought of them. Real men focused on actions and goals, not love and romance. Okay, so men did think about love and romance, but that was usually driven by the desire to have sex; and certainly men do have emotions, but they didn't express them in the same way that the men in the books were.

The book he was currently reading focused two young soldiers who'd become more than friends during a civil war. The relationship itself wasn't nearly as interesting as the way the author had portrayed the war. Some things she'd gotten right, but other thing made it downright obvious she'd never been anywhere near a battle.

Roy yawned again, got out of bed, and lazily pulled the covers up in a half-hearted attempt at making his bed before heading off to the bathroom to take care of his morning necessaries.

Hawkeye had definitely been correct about this being a study into the minds of women. In that way he was extremely interested in how these characters acted. It was like being able to look into the reasons why women acted the way they did. Almost. Not exactly. It was also interesting to think about how women would _like_ men to act and feel; or, perhaps, how they _hope_ men feel.

But what was really important—since he needed to know how to pull off this farce—was that he was beginning to see a pattern in how the leading men acted toward each other. There was always the man who was 'in charge' in the relationship, and the one who got 'taken' by the other man. They seemed to make the 'taken' man more feminine in action and in looks. Usually that one was younger, shorter, and had longer hair.

It seemed that fate had designated their roles perfectly. Roy was _obviously_ the man 'in charge' and Ed was destined to be the 'taken' one. This meant that Roy had a little more work to do than Ed. As the one in charge, he had to take Ed out, compliment him, act in all the ways that he would to make a woman fall for him. Basically he needed to treat Ed like a woman, only modified slightly given that Ed _wasn't_ a woman. Since there was no telling when they would be watched, he was going to have to make this as natural as possible and try to play it constantly.

As Roy headed back to his bedroom to get dressed, he thought about how he was going to work this, which led back to thinking about the books, which led to wondering why women didn't just write the same relationship except with a man and a women instead of two men. The first book he'd read most certainly could have had all the 'he's changed into 'she's and been pretty much the same. He shook his head, doubting that he'd ever really understand the minds of women.

Stuffing his wallet, watch, and keys into his pocket, Roy was about to leave his bedroom to put on his boots, but stopped and glanced at his nightstand drawer. He was so close to finishing the book. He usually ate breakfast at the military cafeteria, but maybe today he'd have breakfast somewhere else. Pulling the book from his drawer, Roy took off the book sleeve, tossed it back in the drawer, then tucked the book under his arm and went to go put on his boots.

* * *

Ed plotted as he walked down the sidewalk. Mustang's death, or at least a very painful existence, was definitely at the forefront of his mind. It wasn't _fair_ that Al wouldn't believe him! It wasn't fair that he was being dragged into this stupid situation. After he beat Mustang to a pulp, then he'd go find that reporter and let her feel his wrath.

"Look, it's the colonel," Ed heard Al say.

Glancing up, Ed saw that they were passing by a small café where many of the tables and seats were outdoors. Mustang was sitting by himself at a table, breakfast in front of him, while reading a book. Ed narrowed his eyes and willed Mustang to look up so that Ed could flip him off.

"If you're going to keep staring at him, you might as well just go talk to him," Al said from behind him.

"I'm _glaring_, not _staring_," Ed corrected.

"Sure, brother, whatever you say," Al said dismissively.

Ed frowned, frustrated that Al still wouldn't believe him, then said, "I think I _will_ go talk to him." Ed had plenty he wanted to say to Mustang, and this was as good of a place as any. "Come on, Al."

"No thanks," Al said airily. "I'll just leave the two of you alone."

"No need," Ed growled. "I don't want to be alone with that asshole."

"More pretending, huh?" Al asked skeptically.

Ed turned and hissed, "I'm not pretending!"

"If you say so," Al said, then started to walk on. "I'll just see you later." He waved his hand in a farewell gesture without looking back.

"Al!" Ed snapped irritably, but his brother just kept walking. With a low growl born of frustration, Ed turned around and headed into the café. When he was inside, Ed hesitated and looked around; trying to decide which way would lead him best to the patio.

"Are you looking for Roy Mustang?" a woman's voice said sweetly.

Ed turned in surprise to see a hostess walking up to him. "Uh... yeah..." he said, surprised that she'd known.

The woman smiled and beckoned for him to follow her. "He's right out this way. You're Edward Elric, right?"

"Uh... yeah..." Ed said again, starting to feel a little uneasy. He was used to some people knowing who he was, but now that his picture had been printed along with those filthy lies, he was suspicious of everyone.

"I thought so," she said, sounding pleased, then she added, "I'm sure it must be difficult to have your personal relationship put out for all to see, but just hang in there, okay?"

Ed stared at her in dumbfounded silence for a moment, then, trying to be nice, said, "No... really. Me and Mustang aren't dating. It's all a misunderstanding."

"Of course it is," she said in a conspiratorial voice, then looked down at him and winked. His shoulders fell as he realized that she didn't believe him. Ed was about to protest further when she said, "Here you go." When she set a menu down on the table across from Mustang, who looked up from his book in surprise, then closed it and put it down in his lap out of view when he saw who was standing there.

"I'll let your server know he needs to come by," the hostess said with a smile, then hurried away.

"What are you..." Mustang began in confusion, then paused before saying in a more agreeable tone, "What a _pleasant _surprise."

"I'm not here for chitchat," Ed began roughly.

"Of course you're not. Why don't you have a seat?" Mustang offered, and motioned with his hand toward the chair next to Ed.

"Look, you—" Ed began, but Mustang cut him off.

"Have a seat, Ed. You're here. You might as well have breakfast."

Ed shook his head. "Cafeteria is cheaper."

"Don't be ridiculous," Mustang said. "I'll pay for your meal."

Ed blinked in surprise. "You will?" When Mustang nodded, Ed narrowed his eyes and asked suspiciously, "Why?" Mustang didn't just _pay_ for people's meals lightly, and he _never_ paid for Ed's meals unless there was a promise of repayment. Mustang just smiled at him, and motioned to the seat.

It was a difficult decision. He _was _hungry, and this place was sure to have better food than the military cafeteria, plus he wouldn't have to pay for it. But at the same time, he'd have to eat with Mustang, and with Mustang nothing was ever free.

"I don't want to owe you anything," Ed said slowly, still trying to decide.

"Nothing owed," Mustang said, still with that same smile on his face. Still suspicious, Ed slowly sank into the chair and picked up the menu. After giving Mustang a distrustful glance, he looked down at the menu in search of the most expensive item he could find. When their server came and Ed ordered, he glanced at Mustang to see if there was any response, but there was none.

"Okay, you're creeping me out," Ed said when the waiter left. "What's going on?"

Instead of answering, Mustang took a slow sip of his coffee, then said, "You wanted to talk to me?"

At the reminder, Ed instantly nodded. "I'm not down for this thing you're trying to do. I don't want any part of it."

"Really?" Mustang asked, sounding amused.

"Yes, really," Ed replied loudly in an offended tone. Mustang picked up his fork and played with the food on his plate for a moment before taking a bite. He seemed to be considering something as he chewed. Finally, stood up and pulled his chair around beside Ed's, then sat down.

"What are you doing?" Ed asked, alarmed now.

Leaning in closely, Mustang said quietly, "I think it would be better if you didn't talk so loud."

"I'll be as loud as I want!" Ed snapped, raising his voice to prove the point. Mustang glanced around, and when Ed followed his gaze, he saw that people were starting to look at them. "Okay, sorry..." Ed amended, bringing his voice low.

Mustang shrugged as if it was nothing to him, then he said, "The more you deny what people are talking about, the less they'll believe you. If you just play along, it will become old news eventually and people will go off to find something more interesting."

Ed scowled. He didn't really see how that was going to help, and it definitely wasn't going to make Al believe him. "I don't want you telling my brother we're dating," Ed said, coming to the point of what he wanted to talk to Mustang about. Just then, there was a light clearing of the throat, and Ed looked up to see the waiter standing there with his breakfast.

"Eh... thanks..." Ed said, looking at the plate as it was set on the table in front of him.

"If there's anything else, just let me know," the waiter said professionally enough, but there was an odd quality to his tone and the way his eyes flicked away from Ed's made him feel uncomfortable.

When the waiter was gone, Mustang said, "I never told your brother we were dating. I told him that he should talk to you about it."

"Well, he got the _impression_ we were dating," Ed snapped.

"I don't see how that's my fault," Mustang said evenly, then reached across the table, and pulled his meal to him.

"You say things in a way that make people think something else!" Ed accused, then added when Mustang began to eat, "Can't you just go back to your own side?"

"I could, but we're not done talking yet, and I don't want to be overheard, do you?"

Ed grunted, stuffed a large bite of food in his mouth, then said, "I want you to tell people the truth."

"Which truth do you want me to tell them?" Mustang asked carefully.

Leaning in close, Ed hissed, "That we're not dating!"

"You didn't hear a word of what I said, did you?" Mustang asked in amusement.

"I heard you, asshole; I just don't believe you," Ed growled. "Honesty is always the best policy, you know."

Mustang made a face that clearly said he thought differently, but instead he said, "I've never said that we were dating."

"But you never said that we weren't," Ed said, pointing his fork at Mustang before stabbing his breakfast and stuffing the rest of his eggs in his mouth. He felt a bit of yolk dribble down from his mouth and he was about to grab a napkin, but Mustang was already dabbing at his face with his own. With his mouth full, Ed couldn't verbally object, but he glared angrily at Mustang.

With a smile of amusement, Mustang put the napkin down and said, "Alright, I'll be sure to tell people that we're not dating." He looked up and motioned to their waiter for the bill.

Swallowing, Ed said, "Straight out?"

"Straight out," Mustang affirmed, still smiling. Ed cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. He didn't trust that smile.

"I want your word," Ed pressed. The waiter slipped silently to their table and put the check down, but Mustang didn't seem to notice him at all.

"I promise to tell everyone who asks that we are not dating."

Ed glanced at the waiter, who was now taking their empty plates. He was giving them small sideways glances. He was going slow and it was now obvious that he wanted to hear more of their conversation.

"Do you mind?!" Ed snapped irritably at the waiter, who suddenly seemed much more interested in doing his job than listening to them. With the plates in hand, the waiter scurried off.

Leaving the money on the table with the bill, Mustang stood, yawned, then said, "With a personality like yours, I can't imagine why you're not already taken." Ed was sure it was meant to be a joke, but it struck a cord inside of him, especially in light of his newfound confusion over his sexuality.

"Yeah well, I'm sure you'd know what it was like to be single because of bad personality traits," Ed shot back as he stood and followed Mustang out. "What are you reading, anyway," he asked, glancing down at the book Mustang was carrying.

"Just a novel a friend recommended," he said in an offhand way as they started down the sidewalk. "I was trying to finish it before work, but I was interrupted."

"I'm sure you'll blow off work to finish it," Ed said, then turned his attention to a small group of teenage girls who were walking ahead of them. They were all wearing school uniforms, though he had no idea which school it was for. As they drew closer, one of the girls—a brunette with a high ponytail—saw them, and nudged a redheaded girl next to her.

"Hi!" the brunette said cheerfully as she looked from him to Mustang, then back to him.

"Hello!" Mustang said with a delighted grin. Disgusted by Mustang's obvious intention to flirt with the girls—who were all in their very early teens—Ed elbowed him sharply. "What was that for?" Mustang asked in an offended tone.

Before Ed could answer, another girl said, "I read about the two of you in The Gossip."

"Did you?" Mustang asked, again if 'flirt mode'.

"You two are so cute together," the redhead said with a grin and a dreamy sigh. Ed grimaced. Him and Mustang were _cute_ together? Was this girl on drugs? Had she been dropped on her head as a baby? "I know you're probably trying to keep it a secret, but hope the two of you really are dating."

Mustang looked down at Ed for a long moment, and Ed gave him a 'well? Tell them!' look. With a shrug, Mustang said, "Actually..." He looked at Ed again, then back to the girl. "We're... not dating."

"Awwww," the girls said together.

"Sorry," Ed said, not feeling sorry at all. Then he grabbed Mustang's arm and started pulling him away. It was creepy watching Mustang smile so brightly at them.

After they were a few paces away, Ed heard one of the girls say, "They're _totally_ dating!"

"I know! Did you see the way they were acting? Do you think it hurt him to have to lie and say they weren't together?" another girl asked.

"I think so! Did you see the way he looked at Ed? I feel so sorry for them that they have to hide their love like that!"

"And did you see how jealous he was when Colonel Mustang was smiling at us?" At that there was a chorus of giggles. Ed was about to turn around and give them a piece of his mind, but Mustang put a hand to his back and pushed him forward.

"Just forget about them," Mustang said.

"I can't!" Ed said, frustrated. "I don't want them thinking that about you and me! Especially since you were being a pervert."

"How was I being a pervert?" Mustang asked defensively.

"Flirting and ogling them. They're younger than _me_!"

Mustang shook his head. "I was just enjoying their attention. I'd never actually date any of them."

"Couldn't tell by the way you were acting!" Ed growled.

"Jealous that I was paying attention to someone else other than you?" Mustang asked with an amused grin.

"Hell no!" Ed snapped. "Just creeped out."

"They're not much younger than you."

"At least I'm _legal_," Ed returned.

"True, but you have to admit that they were cute," Mustang said.

Ed looked up at Mustang, who was grinning widely, then glanced back over his shoulder at the girls who were almost out of view. Yes, they were. They were very cute. They were all very pretty, and he supposed that he'd known that on some level, but it just hadn't stuck out at him the way it apparently had for Mustang. Did not noticing make him abnormal?

He turned his head back and muttered, "Yeah, they're cute." Staring down at the sidewalk, Ed couldn't help but feel a little glum now. When they got to a street corner, they stopped to wait for the light to change, and he suddenly felt Mustang's hand on his shoulder. Looking up, Ed saw a concerned look on the colonel's face.

"You alright?" he asked, sounding genuinely worried.

Ed felt a little surprised at the concern and he was momentarily tempted to say something about what was on his mind, but instead he shrugged Mustang's hand off his shoulder and said, "Course I am! I'm just tired of talking to you." He thought Mustang might say something else, maybe come back with a retort, but instead he simply shrugged and they walked the rest of the way to work in silence.

* * *

Robin Hawkins smiled smugly to herself as she left the café. She'd gotten some excellent pictures of the two sitting close together, and she'd been able to interview their waiter. He hadn't heard much, but what he had heard was _very_ interesting, and very quotable.

She hurried back to her office, already thinking of how she was going to write the story of the two lovebirds meeting for breakfast. How they'd sat close together, whispering to each other. There were also the tidbits of how the boy didn't want the colonel to tell his brother of their relationship and how he'd made Colonel Mustang promise to deny everything.

This story already had much more of a response than she could have hoped for, and she was pleased with herself over the amount of good stuff she'd been able to get her hands on this morning.

With a grin, Robin settled down at her typewriter and began to work as fast as she could to get this out with the next edition.

* * *

**Comments are love. :)**


	8. Guilty Conscience

**-**

**Object of Gossip**

**8**

**Guilty Conscience**

**-**

"_The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience." - Mahatma Gandi -_

-

Roy looked up from his book when Hawkeye set a couple of folders down on his desk. She was giving him an amused grin, but refrained from speaking. Roy scowled. She didn't _need_ to say anything. That look on her face made it very clear what she was thinking.

"I'm just trying to finish the book since I'm near the end," he said defensively.

"Mmhmm," she said, pressing her lips together as if to hide an obvious smile.

"Oh, shut up..." he muttered sullenly.

"I didn't say anything," she said with laughter in her tone. When he simply looked at her, she said, "How many have you read?"

"This is my third," he admitted, then told her which three he'd read.

"Those are good ones, but not very spicy. Try 'Chains of Fate' next," she suggested, then started toward the door, but stopped and looked back before saying, "Just don't read it in public." With a grin, she turned and left the office. Roy scowled at the door. She was obviously having a good time with this situation, and he felt a little like he was the butt of some sort of private joke.

Glad that she was gone so that he could get back to his book, Roy had barely looked back down at the page, when Havoc, Breda, and Falman coming into his office.

"Yeees?" he asked in an effort to hide his irritation at being interrupted as Falman closed the door.

"We're tired of the rumors," Havoc said bluntly. "Since we work under you, we figure that we should be told if you're really dating Ed or not." The other two men nodded their heads in agreement.

Roy raised an eyebrow. "I thought I'd already said this really wasn't your business. Since when does you working under me mean that you get to know about my love life?"

"Because, it affects us," Breda said.

Roy sat back in his chair and gave them a small smile. "So I should tell you up front so you can be the one who everyone goes to for the latest gossip on this?"

"Exactly," Havoc said.

"What do _you_ think? Do you think I'm secretly dating my barely-of-age subordinate who happens to be fourteen years my junior?" Roy asked, feeling amused. This was actually a lot more fun than he would have imagined it could be.

"I wouldn't put it past you," Havoc said. "I've never known you to date a guy before either, but there's always a first time for everything."

Roy looked from Havoc to Breda to Falman, trying to make it seem as if he was considering this, then said, "But Ed already told you we weren't dating, right? Why don't you just take his word on it?"

"Because you keep avoiding giving a straight answer," Falman said. And that was exactly what Roy had wanted him to say.

Shrugging helplessly, Roy said, "Alright... We're not dating."

"Seriously?" Breda said, sounding a little surprised.

"Would I lie to you?" Roy asked evasively.

"Yes," all three of them said together.

A small grin pulled at Roy's lips and he said, "Well, you asked for a straight answer, and I've given it to you. If you're not satisfied, then I can't really help you. Now, if you don't mind, I have some work to get done, as I'm sure the three of you do as well."

He gave them a pointed look as if to say that he was well aware of their slacking off and extremely displeased with it, and felt satisfied as they all slunk off quicker than a cat dunked in water.

With that out of the way, Roy leaned back in his chair and started reading again. Hawkeye had already been in this morning and his subordinates should be off working. He didn't have any meetings until that afternoon, which meant that no one should bother him for the next three hours at least.

He had only read about a page when there was a timid knock on the door. "For the love of..." he muttered irritably, then threw the book into a drawer and picked up a folder to at least _look_ busy. "Come in," he said loudly, letting the full force of his displeasure ring through his voice.

The door opened slowly and Alphonse stuck his head in. "If this is a bad time..." he began nervously.

_Yes, it's a bad time. I have twenty more pages to go and I just want to see how this stupid story ends!_ he thought in frustration, but he smoothed away all traces of annoyance and beckoned for the boy to come in.

"Not at all," Roy said as pleasantly as he could.

Alphonse shut the door, walked to the desk, and said, "I talked to brother."

"Mmhmm, and?" Roy asked, sure he knew where this was going and already trying to plan out how he wanted this conversation to go.

"He says that there isn't anything going on between the two of you..." Al trailed off and stared silently at Roy as if he wanted that statement confirmed.

Roy looked down at the folder for a count of thirty seconds, making it seem as if he were deep in thought, then said slowly, "Well, then if that's what he says, I guess you should believe him." He didn't look up, but fiddled with his pen as if he were uncomfortable or troubled.

After a moment, Al said, "I just don't know what to believe. I know you said that I should talk to him about it, and I did, but I'd _really_ feel better if you just told me what was going on."

Roy set the pen down with a sigh, looked up at the boy, and said, "Ed says we're not dating right?"

"Right."

Roy glanced away, letting the silence drag for a little longer than normal, then said, "Then... we're not dating..." He analyzed how he'd said that and was pleased that his tone had held just the right amount of disappointed melancholy he'd wanted it to have.

"Colonel, I can't help but think that both you and brother are hiding something from me," Al said in a slow, suspicious voice.

Roy looked back to Alphonse, debated on whether to say more or not, then decided to let the conversation end here. After all, he _was_ hiding something from Al, just not what Al thought he was.

"Everyone is allowed their secrets," Roy said, then added, "I'm sorry, but I have a lot of work to get done."

"Of course. I'm sorry for taking your time," Al said. He turned to leave, and Roy let him get to the door before he called after him.

"Alphonse?"

"Yes?" he said, turning to look at Roy.

"You know," Roy began, then paused. The 'good' boyfriend would probably try to do or say something to his boyfriend's life a little bit easier. "Perhaps you should just give Ed some time to sort some things out. I'm sure he'll come to you when he's ready."

There was a creaking noise as Alphonse looked away, then, "I know. I'm trying. I already told him that I care about him no matter what, but he just gets angry." Al paused, then said sadly, "I think something else is bothering him a lot because he seems a little withdrawn, but I don't know what that is either... I just wish he'd talk to me."

After Al finished, Roy was surprised to find that he felt a little guilty now. Ed had seemed a little glum this morning after they'd passed those cute girls on their way to work as well, and that really wasn't like him. The possibility that this situation might annoy Ed had never bothered Roy in the slightest because Ed often got annoyed and upset, and it was amusing to see him rage. But the idea that this might actually be making Ed sad or depressed in some way made Roy feel bad about having started it and guilty as well.

"Colonel?" Al said, breaking him from his thoughts.

Roy shook his head. "It's nothing," he said. "I'm sure Ed will be fine; don't worry."

"Maybe," Al said noncommittally. "Thanks for talking with me."

"Not a problem at all. Come back any time," Roy invited. Al nodded, then left without another word.

Roy sat back in his chair and stared at the closed door of his office. Perhaps he should just stop this before it got out of hand. It _had_ been fun and extremely amusing; and he loved having the women look at him, talk about him, and even approach him, but he hadn't meant for it to actually _hurt_ anyone.

Even if he stopped trying to get people to believe he and Ed were dating, they'd still have to deal with the attention for a while. But if they just left it alone, then the hype _would_ eventually fade as long as neither he nor Ed didn't make too big of a deal out of it.

He reached into his drawer and pulled out the book. If he wasn't going to play the game anymore, then there was no need to finish this book or read any of the others Hawkeye had brought. Roy stared at it for a while, debating, then opened it and started reading again. Really, he couldn't help himself. It was calling to him... And besides, he was near the end anyway. It wouldn't hurt to read the rest of it, and as much as Roy hated to admit it, he really did want to know how the story was going to end.

Roy thought he still might even read the one Hawkeye had suggested and a few others just for kicks. It wasn't that he was _interested_ in reading about men, really he wasn't... but he was curious about Hawkeye's definition of 'spicy'. Roy was sure it would just be more about men being unrealistic, but he might luck out and the book might at least have a good plot like the one he was reading now.

* * *

Roy had originally thought to talk to Ed about their situation and his change of heart that day, but by the time he'd finished his book, had lunch, and gone to all his meetings, he'd found that it was well past time to go home, and he'd have to actually hunt Ed down if he wanted to talk to him. Knowing that Ed wasn't always the easiest person to find, Roy decided he'd just leave it until tomorrow. It would give him more time to figure out how to back out of this gracefully.

Normally, Roy would get dinner in the cafeteria, but he felt an unexplainable pull to pick up something to go and bring his dinner home so he could start on another book. The last one he'd finished had actually been pretty good—better than he'd thought it would be—and it had been a while since he'd done much in the way of light reading, or reading at all just for the fun of it.

So he'd picked up some food on his way home, flirting shamelessly with the girls who worked at the food place. They had asked him all kinds of questions about him and Ed, but he'd stoically told them that he and Ed weren't really an item, but that he'd be more than happy to go out with any of them instead. They'd laughed and flirted back, though one girl had seemed extremely offended that Roy would ever even _dream_ of going out with anyone besides Ed, and had even gotten irritated at the other girls for encouraging him to be 'unfaithful' to his 'soul mate'. They had all immediately nodded and told him in a teasingly somber tone that he shouldn't be flirting with anyone besides Ed.

Roy had been a little surprised at the vehemence in the girl's tone, and in the fact that the other girls had agreed with her so quickly. Even if he and Ed really _were _dating, did it really matter if he flirted with other girls or not? It wasn't as if it was really their business anyway. And where had she gotten the idea that they were 'soul mates'?

He'd thought of trying to tell them again that he and Ed really weren't dating, but he knew it would do no good and would make them believe it even more if he insisted, so he just smiled and said that he'd keep that in mind, before taking his food and leaving. It had been a strange experience, but he didn't think on it long. There probably weren't many girls like that anyway, so it wasn't like he'd ever have to deal with it again.

Once he got home, it hadn't taken him long to find the book in question and settle down on his couch with the book in one hand and his dinner at his fingertips. Roy had already decided that if it wasn't interesting by the third chapter then he'd stop reading. He wasn't about to force himself to read a book like the first one he'd read, but he needn't have worried because he was completely hooked by the end of chapter one, and had forgotten about his dinner—which was only half eaten—by chapter four.

Chapter six ended up being the first of the 'spicy' chapters, and at the end of the chapter he set the book aside and stared wide-eyed up at the ceiling with his hand—now wet from his most recent activities—still in his pants as he tried to get his thoughts together.

He'd just gotten himself off to two men getting it on... Roy felt stunned, a little confused, and an unexplained craving to read more of what he'd just read. Wild thoughts bounced around in his mind, trying to rationalize what had just happened. He wasn't gay, wasn't even _bi_. Why would he be aroused by something like that? He _shouldn't_ be aroused by it, but he had been—and had been enough to do get himself off to it as well.

Roy grabbed some unused paper napkins left over from dinner and cleaned himself off before changing his clothes and getting ready for bed. Returning to the couch, Roy sat down and stared down at the book not sure what he wanted to do more—throw it in a fire, or keep reading until the sun came up.

He eventually decided on neither. Instead, he cleaned up what was left of his dinner, brought the book to his bedroom, and put it on his nightstand. It was late, and he'd spent almost the whole of the previous night reading. Tonight he'd just go to sleep and worry about all of this tomorrow.

It was a good idea in theory, but that wasn't exactly how it turned out. Instead he spent several hours lying in the dark, trying to convince himself that it was probably just a newly discovered kink, and there was no way he could have any real interest in men. But as Roy finally drifted into sleep some time later, his mind melded his worries about his sexuality in with his situation with Ed, and he dreamed about him, Ed, and the last chapter of the book he'd just read.

* * *

Well, this chapter was shorter than I'd thought it would be, though not too much shorter than any of the other chapters. Hope you enjoyed. Hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter up soon.

-

**Comments are Love :)**


	9. Intellectual Attraction

**-**

**Object of Gossip**

**9**

**Intellectual Attraction**

-

"_Attraction is beyond our will or ideas sometimes." –Juliette Binoche–_

-

When Roy's alarm clock went off the next morning, he was already awake staring up at the ceiling. Roy had slept for a few hours, but had woken up in the night and his brain had instantly started circulating his most recent worries. No matter that he was exhausted from having no sleep the night before, his body refused to return him to the blissful state of unconsciousness he so desperately longed for.

After much thought, and after having some of the most inappropriate and arousing dreams involving himself and Ed, Roy decided that it was in that time that his resolve to put an end to this game solidified. It had been a stupid and silly thing to do anyway. He wouldn't deny that it had been fun, the attention from the ladies and the flurry of excitement had added a thrill to his life, but it had still been silly, and now saw that it had also been potentially hurtful.

This decision was only spurred on by Roy's confusion over getting himself off to an erotic story about men. He'd never been attracted to men, but this whole ordeal, and perhaps the reading of the novels, had sparked his curiosity.

And that's what it was, Roy was sure. It had to be. There was no other explanation. He was curious, plain and simple. Only, Roy wasn't sure he wanted to be curious about this. It was just too ridiculous. He was a ladies man. He loved women. There had never been a time in his life when he'd wanted to be with a man in a romantic or sexual way—and definitely not with Edward Elric as he had been in his dreams. But whether he wanted to be or not, he _was_ curious, and as of yet he hadn't really come to terms with how he felt about that.

With a heavy sigh, Roy got out of bed, dressed, and deliberately left the book at home when he left for work. He already had too many things on his mind right now, and he didn't need anything distracting him or fueling his curiosities. If he decided to act on those curiosities... well, then perhaps he would read more. But if he decided not to, then the best thing was to separate himself from that type of stuff—no matter how much a part of him wanted to spend all day and night reading the damned books—and hope the urge would go away.

Roy could feel the eyes of people watching him as he walked to work. Groups of teenage girls would look at him and giggle, some would even wave in his direction. Women his own age would give him enigmatic smiles, as if they were in on his secret and enjoying every moment of it. Older women would peek at him over their magazines or books, then look away quickly. He'd even caught a couple of men watching him. Given the fact that it hadn't been quite a week yet since this had started, the speed at which this was spreading was almost unbelievable.

Normally he would have loved the attention, being one to thrive in the spotlight. But this morning all he wanted was for people to mind their own business, and leave him alone to try to figure himself out. That thought made him feel even more guilty for the position he'd put Ed in, but he consoled himself with the thought that without him trying to spur the rumor on, it would probably blow over soon and life would go back to normal.

And so he spent the morning working, though by lunch he'd told at least ten people that he and Ed weren't dating. He'd hoped that Ed would show up so that they could talk, but he hadn't and Roy wondered if he'd have to go looking for him.

"Sir?"

Roy looked up from the document he'd been looking at to see Hawkeye looking down at him with a look, of concern.

"Yes?" he asked tiredly.

"You don't look well. Are you coming down with something?"

Roy sighed and sat back in his chair. "I haven't been sleeping very well recently," he admitted.

"Too much reading?" she asked impishly.

He gave her a wry look. "That's only _part_ of it."

"Have you started the book I recommended?" she asked, a note of teasing in her tone. Roy was embarrassed to realize that his face was starting to feel a little warm, and he could tell by the look on her face that he must be blushing.

Waving a hand as if the subject was of little interest to him, he said, "I did, but I didn't stay up all night reading it. I _do_ have some sense of priority."

"Uh huh..." she said with an amused smile. "How far did you get?"

Deciding he wasn't in the mood to go into this right now, Roy stood up and said, "I think I'm going to go for a walk during my lunch hour. Maybe that will wake me up."

"Yes, sir," she said, still sounding amused.

Roy left his office quickly and started out for the library. He was pretty sure he'd be able to find Ed there. After entering the building, Roy flirted lightly with one of the librarians as he asked if she'd seen Ed, but she didn't seem very impressed and pointed him in the direction Ed usually sat. So, with a sigh, Roy headed back to Ed's table, only to find that he wasn't there. Instead, Alphonse sat alone, pouring over one of the books scattered on the table.

"Where's your brother?" Roy asked without preamble. If he could find Ed quickly, then hopefully he'd still have time for a quick nap before going back to work.

Alphonse looked up at him. Roy thought he seemed surprised to see him, but it was difficult to tell without the benefit of facial expressions.

"He went for a walk," Al said. "I think he went to the park."

"Thank you," Roy said, then turned and walked swiftly out of the library. Central had several parks, but the closest, and largest, of those was only a couple of blocks away, so it didn't take him long to get there. Actually walking through the park to find Ed would take much longer. There were many people out enjoying the nice weather. Families and lovers were having picnics, or playing games, or taking pictures.

Roy strode quickly down the pathways as he searched. If Ed had been the type to wear normal clothes, it would have taken longer to find him, but even far off it was easy to recognize that the young man sitting on the park bench and wearing a bright red coat was Ed.

* * *

Ed sat on the park bench staring glumly at the people around him. He watched the people as they passed, checking out the men and the women. He waited for something inside of him to stir, to tell him that he was attracted to any of them. It shouldn't have been that hard. Many of the people he saw were very good looking. They _were_ attractive, but... he just didn't _feel_ anything for them.

None of the people that he saw, no matter how little they were wearing, turned him on like he thought they should. He'd been aroused plenty of times before, and had even gotten himself off, but it had been more of an routine response for the need of release, usually when he was stressed, rather than a response to actually wanting sex with someone.

A small, irrational part of himself was angry that this problem had been brought to his attention because it hadn't been a _problem_ before. He'd been just fine not realizing that yet another thing was wrong with him.

A movement to his right caught Ed's attention and he looked over to see Mustang coming around the side of the bench, then sitting down beside him. Mustang's eyes were slightly red, and dark bags were forming under his eyes.

"Wow, you look like shit," Ed blurted out.

Mustang stared down at him for a moment, looking slightly offended, then said, "Could be worse. I could be as small as one."

"Go fuck yourself!" Ed snapped and looked away.

Instead of responding to that, Mustang said, "I've wanted to talk to you."

"And I've wanted _not_ to talk to you," Ed said, letting his eyes move past the couple walking hand in hand down the path, and looking at the large pond beyond.

"That's nice," Mustang retorted blandly, then continued. "I just wanted to say that I'm not going to try promoting this rumor any longer. I still believe that if we emphatically deny it, then people will believe the rumor is true, and even if we try to ignore it, then it will still go on for a while. But..." He trailed off, and was silent for a moment, then said, "I said that I'll tell people we aren't dating, and I will honor that."

That hadn't been what Ed had expected to hear and he turned and looked at Mustang who wasn't looking at him, but was looking out over the park with an expression that bordered on boredom.

"Why?" Ed asked. "You seemed so intent on doing that thing to get girls."

There was another long moment of silence, then Mustang said, "Because I have a lot of work to do and I don't need this rumor interfering with that. I already get a lot of attention from women. I don't need this rumor for that."

Ed looked at Mustang through narrowed eyes. He wasn't sure if he believed what Mustang was saying or not. Mustang did what was best for him almost all the time. Ed's guess was that the man had seen that this arrangement wouldn't actually benefit him in the way he'd thought it would, so he'd decided to call it off. Not that it really mattered _why_ Mustang had decided against his lame plan. The important thing was that he had decided against it.

"Good," Ed grunted. "I'm tired of people looking at me and asking me if I'm going out with you."

"That's not going to stop right away," Mustang said.

Ed nodded. "Yeah, I heard you the first time."

They sat there in silence for a while, before Mustang said, "How long are you going to stay out here?"

"I dunno..." Ed mumbled. "Why?"

Mustang pulled out his watch, looked at it, then put it away with a yawn. "I really need a nap. If I lay down under one of these trees will you make sure I'm not disturbed or robbed or anything, and wake me up in about thirty minutes?"

Ed rolled his eyes. No one would be stupid enough to rob a soldier with this many people around, but there were people who didn't like the military enough to try something stupid that it wasn't unreasonable to ask for someone to keep an eye out.

"Yeah sure," Ed muttered, then watched as Mustang got up, wandered over to a large tree with a lot of shade, and laid down on his back. Ed stayed on the bench for another five minutes or so before heading over to where Mustang was now sleeping. It would be easier to keep an eye out if he didn't have to keep turning around.

Sitting down on the grass, Ed noticed that Mustang's watch, a small notebook, and a pen were halfway out of his pocket. Reaching down, Ed pulled the notebook all the way out of Mustang's pocket and idly started to flip through it. There hadn't been any expectations of what he'd find, but Ed was surprised to find small doodles of arrays, mathematical formulas, and notes. There were hurriedly written questions, and sometimes pages of theories for each of those.

Some of Mustang's ideas seemed to be wild guesses or even fanciful ideas, but most of what Ed saw was viable or almost feasible with a little more work. And these weren't just little pointless ideas either. Ed was fascinated by this small collection of complex and intellectual material. He'd also never seen Mustang draw any arrays before, and found that his style both in alchemy and with mathematics was smooth and charming.

Ed had known on a very basic level that Mustang was good with alchemy, no one became a state alchemist unless they were the best of the best, but it was hard to remember that giving his every day dealings with the man. After reading and studying Mustang's small collection of notes, Ed found he had much more respect for the man. This much intellect was attractive and Ed found himself wanting to wake the man so that they could discuss his theories.

But with that thought, Ed frantically pulled his pocket watch out and checked the time. To his dismay Ed found that it was almost three hours past the time Mustang had asked to be woken. Where had the time gone?!

Ed got on his knees, leaned over Mustang, and shook his shoulders.

"Hey," he said, then leaned down a little closer. "Hey, wake up."

Slowly, Mustang's eyes opened and he looked groggily up at Ed. "Is it time already?" he asked, disappointment and weariness threading through his tone.

"Eh, yeah... well, about that..." Ed began, then added apologetically, "I kinda let you sleep late..."

Mustang just stared at him for a moment, then asked slowly, "How late...?"

Ed looked away, feeling more than a little embarrassed. "Three hours."

"What?!" Mustang exclaimed. He sat up quickly, and Ed didn't have time to move before their foreheads collided. Mustang lay back down with a hissing exclamation of pain, though Ed barely noticed as he sat back and rubbed quickly at his aching head.

"Mother _fucker_!" Ed snapped. There were several other choice words he'd like to say, but succeeded in keeping his tongue.

Mustang sat up more slowly this time, his face holding a sour expression of pain. "Three hours?! What... How...?"

"I got distracted!" Ed said, sounding curt through the pain.

"By what?" Mustang growled, standing up now and brushing his uniform down with his hands.

Ed stood as well, but didn't bother fussing with his clothes. "Eh, well..." He was still holding the small notebook in his hand, so he sheepishly handed it over.

With a disgruntled look, Mustang took the book and slipped it back in his pocket. "I don't remember saying you could read through that."

"Well, you _were _asleep the whole time so you wouldn't remember," Ed pointed out.

"Did I give you permission?" Mustang asked, and Ed couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or serious.

"No," Ed admitted. "But your ideas are really interesting and cool," he added, trying to make up for the intrusion of privacy. "It would be awesome to talk about some of that stuff with you." Mustang ran a hand through his hair, trying to make it look less disheveled, then turned and started walking away.

"Hey! Wait!" Ed shouted and hurried after him. He didn't want Mustang mad at him, especially now that he'd gained a little bit of admiration for the man. It wasn't as if he'd let him sleep that long on purpose, and sure it might have been wrong of him to look in Mustang's notebook, but it wasn't as if there was anything super personal in there, and it had been really good stuff.

"I have to get back to work, Ed," Mustang said irritably.

"Work?" Ed asked. Work did not fit in with Ed's ideas of talking with Mustang about alchemy.

"Yes, you know that place I go to make money so I can pay my bills?" They stopped at the corner, and waited with a small crowd of people to cross the street.

"Forget about work," Ed said, trying to get Mustang to listen to him.

"Despite what you might think, there _are_ more important things to me than you," Mustang returned sourly.

Ed scowled. "I just want to talk with you about—"

"This is not the time or the place. You _know _I only have an hour for lunch, but you let me sleep in anyway."

Ed sighed bitterly. All he wanted to do was talk to Mustang about his theories. Was that too much to ask? It wasn't as if they had to talk _now_ even. Looking away from Mustang, Ed saw that most of the people in the small crowd were looking at them. When they saw him looking at them, the people glanced away, and at that moment the light changed so everyone began to cross the street.

Ed practically had to run to keep up with Mustang now. "Okay, so we won't talk about it now. But let's talk later, okay?" Ed stoically ignored the people they were passing. It wasn't as if he and Mustang were doing or talking about anything of interest to them anyway. Mustang hurried to the next streetlight and gave a small growl of irritation as the light changed and they had to wait again.

"I'm not interested in talking with you about it, Ed. What you did was wrong. I trusted you, and not only did you let me down, but you stuck your nose into something that was none of your business."

"I know! I'm sorry!" Ed said, trying to apologize. The light changed and they walked across the street with some civilians and a few soldiers.

"I'm done talking about this," Mustang said, walking onto the grounds of Central Headquarters.

"Maybe we can talk later?" Ed asked. He knew he was bordering on annoying, but he _really_ wanted to discuss some of Mustang's theories. There were very few people who even came close to matching Ed's intelligence. Al was one of those, and they did talk a lot, but it would be great to have another viewpoint. "I could come by tonight?"

"No."

"Tomorrow night?" Ed asked as they walked into Central Headquarters.

"You may not come over tonight, or tomorrow night," Mustang said as he stepped on the elevator.

"But—" Ed said, then cut off as the elevator doors started to close, then said, "You can't ignore me forever, Mustang!" Then the elevator doors shut completely. Sagging a little now that he'd spent so much energy, Ed turned, intent on heading back to the library, then stopped when he noticed that many of the people were staring at him.

With a burst of exasperation, Ed snapped, "Mind your own business!" At that, the people went back to whatever they'd been doing. Either they were ashamed at being caught watching, or they knew enough not to mess with an already pissed off Edward Elric. With a low growl, Ed stalked out of Central Headquarters and to the library to find his brother.

* * *

The lovely WantingMemories did some fan art for this story and that can be found here:

**http : // wantingmemories. deviantart. com/ art/ Object-of-Gossip-Polariod- 135643849**

Just copy and paste this link in your browser and remove all the spaces. (I'm a little too lazy to put this in my profile right now, sorry.)

In truth, it is because of wantingmemories that you've gotten this next chapter so quickly (I don't think I've ever updated this story so quickly before, but she bribes me really good haha), so please be sure to check out her art. :)

--

Also, I will be at **Anime Weekend Atlanta** from September 18-20th where I'll be cosplaying as Roy Mustang with my friend who will be Ed (going as a Roy/Ed couple). If any of you are going to be there and want to meet up or just say hi in passing, feel free to e-mail or message me. We'll see if we can work something out.

-


	10. Fuel on the Fire

-

**Object of Gossip**

**10**

**Fuel on the Fire**

**-**

One week after The Daily Gossip ran the first story about Roy and Ed 'sleeping together', and the day after the scene actually happened, The Gossip featured Robin's well written, and photo-accompanied, account of the two having a nice, leisurely breakfast together. It included a very thorough account given from the restaurant staff—especially their waiter—and even some comments from a few of the patrons who had called in to share their gossip about the event.

The issue sold like a fire being set on dry grass. How many people had heard Edward Elric proclaim that the two weren't dating? There were also several people who had talked to Roy Mustang and had _almost_ believed him when he'd told them seriously that there was nothing going on between himself and his handsome, young subordinate.

But now, it was evident than it had all been one fabricated lie. _Obviously_ there _must_ be something going on between them if the dashing military colonel was being told to keep their business hush-hush and to tell everyone—even the boy's brother—that nothing was going on between them.

It had only been a week, but there were already groups forming to support the two in their relationship. Some simply wanted to be supportive of the lifestyle; some were in love with the idea of a relationship with so many taboos. Some just liked the idea of two men together and were excited over the fact that this was being made so public.

But, no matter the reason, the relationship between Roy Mustang and Edward Elric had a following which was increasing daily. With the story of the breakfast, there was little doubt in the minds of many that there really was something going on, whether the two love birds were willing to admit it directly or not.

This issue and its uproar had been missed completely by both of the men in question. Roy had fended off some comments in the morning, but since he'd stayed in his office until noon, he hadn't been subjected to the amount of prying questions he would have been otherwise. Sleeping away half the afternoon, then closeting himself in his office until almost everyone had gone home in an effort to catch up on the work he'd missed by napping, before going straight home, had insured that his contact with others had been mostly limited.

Ed had also missed the uproar by ignoring any and all magazines, and demanding that Al not read the 'horrible rag of lies' in his presence. It hadn't just been Mustang he'd been avoiding, but almost everyone in general. After spending that time with Mustang in the park, Ed had gone back to the library for a time before checking out all the books he wanted and carrying them home. He felt as though he could actually _feel_ people's eyes on him and it was extremely uncomfortable.

And, so, the two of them remained blissfully unaware, at least for that day, that their situation was no longer something within their somewhat limited control. Roy and Ed's time together in the park, and the ensuing argument over Roy not being woken up in time, and Ed going through his notebook, had been noticed by a fair number of interested citizens, even if they hadn't known exactly what the argument was actually about. It had been noted, remembered, documented even by people with cameras, and reported back to Robin Hawkins with a swiftness that rivaled the military's best spy network. This, in turn, had been quickly investigated, written up, and set for the next day's issue.

* * *

Roy walked tiredly into the break room, intent on getting himself some coffee before starting work, then stopped when the conversation died and everyone turned to look at him. Many of them were holding magazines, and while Roy couldn't see which magazine it was, he had no doubt that they were holding copies of the latest issue of The Gossip.

Rolling his eyes, Roy tried to ignore them and moved over toward the coffee pot. He yawned, wishing that he could take the day off to sleep, but Roy knew that even if he _did_ take the day off, he would most likely end up reading. He'd stayed up far too long last night, when he knew that he should sleep, but he'd wanted to finish the book.

And so he'd finished it, but not before he'd gotten himself off three more times. Roy had spent the morning pulling out all the books written by that author, deciding that this woman's work was something he was _extremely _interested in reading more of.

Part of him wanted to ask Hawkeye for more recommendations on which books he should read, and he might have when this had started, but that was when he'd had no question about his sexuality. He'd been secure in the fact that he was completely straight, and so playing along and saying he'd read her books to get insight on the female mind was perfectly okay.

Now, he was confused, and felt a little embarrassed about it as well. Wasn't he too _old_ to be confused about his sexuality? Surely this had to be something people went through during their teenage years, if they were going to go through it at all.

That line of thought had led him to wonder if Ed had any confusion about _his_ sexuality. Probably not. Ed didn't seem like the type to have issues like that. Sure, Ed had _issues_—it was difficult to go through all of what Ed had and not have them—but Ed was obviously as normal in that area as they came. Roy could just tell by looking at him. But then, what did that say about _him_, since whenever Roy looked in the mirror, he was sure that he looked perfectly straight and definitely not the type to have issues concerning his sexuality. Of course, that brought in the question of, what does a 'not straight' man look like anyway?

It was enough to make his head spin.

"Nothing going on between the two of you, eh?" The voice belonged to Havoc, and it brought Roy out of his thoughts.

Stopping and turning to face Havoc, Roy said wearily, "That's what I said, wasn't it?"

"Because Ed told you to say that? You taking orders from the shrimp now?" Brosh asked.

Roy just stared at the man in surprise. "What?"

Reaching down, Brosh picked up a magazine from the table and held it up. "Yesterday's issue. Don't tell me you didn't read it."

"I didn't," Roy said. "I don't usually read garbage like that." But he walked forward and took the magazine anyway. He quickly scanned over the article, feeling his disbelief turn into a combination of annoyance and wry resignation. This was exactly what he'd wanted to happen at the time. The fact that it had made it to The Gossip was actually a success. The only problem was that he no longer wanted this rumor to grow and spread, but unfortunately he only had himself to blame.

Roy grunted when he got to the end of the article—a story that was all mostly true, though blown up to seem more than what it was—and saw that Robin Hawkins was asking people to call in with any 'news' on the matter that they wanted to share.

"This is ridiculous," Roy said, thrusting the publication back into Brosh's hands.

"But it _did_ happen," Breda said. "I mean, look at those pictures. You think you could have gotten any closer together?"

"I don't think any of that really matters right now," Maria Ross said, holding up that day's issue.

"What do you mean by that?" Roy asked, not sure he wanted to know, but unable to stop his curiosity. She smiled at him and handed over the latest issue without comment. The article was a long drawn out piece that told of how he and Edward had spent some time in the park being 'close'. There were even pictures of them sitting at the bench together and one where Ed is kneeling over him while he was laying down.

That had obviously been taken right as Ed was trying to wake him up, but Roy had to admit that if he hadn't known better, he would think that it looked like they were being a little intimate with each other for anyone not involved in a romantic relationship. Truthfully, it looked like Ed was leaning in to kiss him.

Their ensuing quarrel had been written in a way as to seem completely separate from the park scene, and as he read the things people had reported hearing them say, Roy felt his face flush with embarrassment. From one perspective, their argument sounded like he and Ed had gone off and had a quickie during lunch, and that Roy had fallen asleep after that, only to have slept too long by Ed not waking him up.

From another perspective, it sounded like Ed was trying to talk over whatever differences they were having and that Roy wasn't willing to work things out. From another perspective, it seemed as though Ed had betrayed Roy in some way. Even the scene at headquarters had been called in and documented. Robin included some speculations on how it was all connected, and some wildly ridiculous reasons as for what could have brought about such a little spat.

Roy shook his head and was about to tell them what had really happened when he was cut off by the yelling of none other than his supposed lover.

"I'M GOING TO KILL THAT BITCH!" Ed shouted from somewhere out in the hall.

Roy turned and looked at the doorway as the others laughed and made jokes about Ed's over sensitiveness to people knowing the truth. Moments later there was a blur of red as Ed ran past the doorway; and, for a moment, Roy waited for Alphonse to pass too, because surely Al would keep his brother in check. But then it dawned on him that the sound which normally accompanied Al's footsteps was absent and Roy got a sudden horrible feeling that with no one to stop him, Ed might do something he'd regret in his anger; which, of course, would end up being _Roy's _problem because he was Ed's commanding officer.

Deciding he didn't need the added stress, Roy thrust the magazine back at Ross and rushed out of the break room after Ed. The elevator was already going down, so Roy hurried over to the stairwell and practically flew down the stairs in an effort to catch up. He wasn't fast enough to beat the elevator, but Ed was only barely leaving the building, so Roy ran to catch up with him.

"Ed!" Roy shouted when was through the doors.

Ed was starting to cross the lawn for a shortcut and didn't stop when Roy called out to him.

"Damnit," Roy muttered and started after him. "Ed!" he tried again.

"I'm going to kill her!" Ed shouted back in an obvious rage. "Her and that fucking waiter! If I knew who all those people were listening to us from yesterday, I'd kill them too!"

"Ed stop!" Roy demanded through heavy breaths.

"No!" Ed snapped.

Roy caught up with Ed and matched his pace. "Ed, just stop; this isn't the way to deal with it. You'll do more harm than good."

"Fuck you," Ed growled. "I'm not going to let her keep printing this kind of shit."

"Stop," Roy said, grabbing Ed's arm, and stopping. "Just stop and listen to me!"

Ed took another step, pulling Roy with him, then stopped and turned around to look at Roy. Ed's face was angry, but Roy saw that his eyes had a liquid shine to them that told of the anguish behind the rage.

"Just stop," Roy said quietly. He was surprised at how affected he felt by seeing such a raw representation of Ed's pain. Guilt stabbed at him, and his conscience told him that part of this was his fault.

"I'm tired of everyone staring at me and talking about me! I'm sick of not being believed! I just hate this whole situation!" Ed yelled in frustration.

The right response was not the first thing that came to Roy's mind. With that anguished up-turned face, and those large, golden eyes looking up at him as if Roy could made the pain go away, Roy's first impulse was to take Ed in his arms and kiss him. Shocked and repulsed by the idea, Roy let go of Ed's arm and stepped back. As if his illicit dreams about himself and Ed weren't evidence enough that he was being affected by this situation and the books he was reading...

"I know," Roy said belatedly. "It's getting out of hand."

"Make it stop," Ed demanded. "Make them stop talking about us!"

"I can't," Roy said, wishing that he could. "I can't stop it."

"Why not?" Ed asked, sounding distressed. "You're good at making people believe what you want them to, right? You have some authority. Can't you do _something?_"

Roy shook his head. "Rumors like this aren't just put down because you want them to be. Like I said before, the more you deny, especially if you get overworked, the more people will assume you're lying and look for any evidence to the contrary. That's just human nature."

Ed just stared at him for a moment, then said accusingly, "This is all your fault."

"I did have a hand in pushing it along at first, but it's not _all_ my fault." Though he could definitely accept a good portion of the blame.

"That's not what I meant," Ed said, shaking his head. "If you wouldn't have fallen asleep at _my_ table, this wouldn't have happened."

Roy looked at Ed incredulously, then said in disbelief, "You could have gone to another table."

"That's where I always sit!" Ed snapped.

"Or you could have woken me up," Roy pointed out.

"I didn't want to talk to you."

"Or you could have just not fallen asleep," Roy added.

Ed scowled. "This isn't my fault."

"Or Sheska could have not called Hughes to come take a picture, or he could have refused, or that Hawkins woman could have not stuck her nose in where it didn't belong." Roy shook his head. "You can spend time trying to blame people, or you can just find a way to deal with the problem and go on."

"Yeah... I know," Ed said grudgingly, sniffling a little and blinking rapidly as if to make the tears in his eyes go away. "So what do we do?" He seemed to have calmed down a little, which was good. Roy didn't want to deal with Ed causing trouble with the civilians.

"What we're not going to do is storm into The Daily Gossip and yell at anyone. That would be counterproductive, and with the way we're both being watched, it could backfire terribly. You understand?"

Ed nodded reluctantly, but seeming to trust that Roy would come up with a suitable plan to pull them out of this mess. Roy felt the urge to reach out and touch him, maybe pull him close and comfort him. It was an almost unnatural feeling and he stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep himself from acting on an urge that he was sure was being brought about by reading far too many unrealistic stories about men and their relationships with other men.

He and Ed were _not_ in a relationship, and even if they were, Roy doubted very much that Ed would appreciate being coddled. Granted, if they'd been in a relationship like those in the stories he'd been reading recently, then he would probably be expected to comfort Ed and then Ed would hold him back and then they'd have some sort of 'emotional bonding' experience.

Truthfully, all of that was a little foreign to Roy, and the idea that he was getting the urge to be that way toward Ed sent little emergency bells ringing through his head. Not just because of this whole situation and because of his ever increasing confusion over his sexual preferences, but because it just seemed so... so... _unmanly_.

"Let's go back inside," Roy suggested, glancing around. Several people were watching them from a distance—they were in the middle of Central Headquarters' front lawn, so at least no one was close enough to hear their conversation. "I don't think us being together like this in public will help our case any."

"Yeah..." Ed muttered. They started back toward the building, and as they stepped onto the sidewalk, Ed said, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Already forgotten about it," Roy said. He'd had to stay late to get everything done, but he hadn't had any meetings and no one besides Hawkeye had noticed his absence. She hadn't asked where he'd been, but by now she'd know that he'd spent the afternoon in the park with Ed; yet another cog in the rumor mill.

They walked into the building and were halfway to the elevator when Ed said, "I really did think your theories were good."

Roy pushed the button on the elevator, then looked down at Ed. "You're not going to give up on that, are you?" he asked with an amused smile.

"Of course not," Ed said stubbornly. "It's not often I find someone who is close to mine or Al's intelligence," he added smugly.

At that, Roy laughed and shook his head. "You don't think very highly of yourself, do you? You do realize that it takes a lot of talent and skill to become a state alchemist, don't you? I'm not the only one around here whose brain you can pick."

Ed pulled a face. "Armstrong is a state alchemist, but I don't think I could get anything out of him that wasn't accompanied by him flexing his muscles." Ed shook his head. "No, I'm sure that all the state alchemists are smart and stuff, but a lot of them seem to focus mostly on what they already know, or strengthening their core skill so that they can continue to be an asset to the military."

The elevator made a pinging sound, then the doors opened. They walked inside, turned around to face the front, and Roy blinked in surprise when he saw a handful of low ranking female soldiers standing there watching them.

Roy smiled at them and put his hand over the sensor to keep the door from shutting. "Are you ladies going to get on?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh... No, sir. Thank you, but we'll catch the next one," she said respectfully, smiling and eyeing them like a kid in a candy store.

"You know, we're not here for your entertain— " Ed began, but Roy quickly wrapped his arm around Ed's head and slapped a hand to Ed's mouth. He didn't need Ed causing a scene.

"If you're going up, then get in the elevator; if not, go back to your work," Roy said in a firm command.

"Yes sir," they said together, snapped a salute, then as one body turned and walked quickly away.

When the doors slid shut, Roy sighed and took his hand from Ed's mouth. As he slid his arm back from Ed's shoulders, he let his fingers brush the back of Ed's neck, touching his skin. It was only then that Roy realized he was starting to get turned on. Sweat prickled at his forehead, and he tried to think of the most un-arousing thoughts he could manage.

"Why did you stop me?" Ed snapped.

"Didn't we just talk about not yelling at anyone?" Roy asked, not looking at Ed.

There was a moment of silence, then, "Oh... yeah." There was another moment of silence, then, "So... what are we going to do about it?"

'Ignore it' was the first thing that came to Roy's mind, but he instantly knew that probably wouldn't work. Without them actively doing something to fight against the rumor, their silence would be like fuel on the flames. He could send Ed somewhere until it all died down, but that would probably just postpone the inevitable; or, worse, the rumor would follow Ed outside of Central. The last thing Roy wanted was for this to spread across Amestris.

"I'll think of something," he said, then glanced down to see Ed looking worriedly up at him. He gave Ed a smile that he hoped was reassuring, then put his hand on Ed's shoulder. "In the mean time, let's just try to avoid doing anything that people might take the wrong way. Alright?"

He felt the elevator stop, but kept his eyes on Ed, waiting for his answer.

"Alright," Ed said with a smile and a nod.

And then the doors opened and Roy turned his head to see that there were several people waiting for the elevator, and in that split second he realized what they saw: Roy, with his hand on Ed's shoulder, staring down at him with a smile, and Ed looking back up with his own smile.

_Yeah... that couldn't be misinterpreted at all..._ he thought with wry sarcasm.

Feeling the overwhelming urge to turn and start banging his head against the elevator wall, he quickly dropped his hand from Ed's shoulder, and started out of the elevator, staring straight ahead. He didn't acknowledge any of their curious glances, and didn't bother looking to see if Ed was following him or not, though he hoped Ed had the good sense to go anywhere _but_ the direction Roy was going. Sadly, good sense sometimes tended to be in short supply with Ed.

When Roy got to his office, he closed the door and sat at his desk, staring at his work but not touching it. His mind was too busy trying to figure out how his current problem was going to be solved. About an hour later, he started in on his work, though his mind came back to the issue of him and Ed quite often. It was almost noon when Roy put down his pen, sat back in his chair, and smiled to himself as he settled on a solution. He couldn't be one hundred percent sure it would work, but it was worth a try.

* * *

Chapter ten! w00t!

Just wanted to take a moment to say think you to everyone for all your supportive comments. I can't always answer them all, but I do read and appreciate them all. They're all very motivating. Thank you :)

I'll try to get the next chapter up soon.

--

**Comments are love.**


	11. Plan

**-**

**Object of Gossip**

**11**

**Plan**

**-  
**Ed looked at his boots as he trudged slowly down the hallway. He glanced at the boots belonging to the two military police that were escorting him and felt another burst of anger and annoyance. _He_ hadn't been the one who had started the fight. If people just learned to keep their big, fat mouths _shut_, then there wouldn't be a problem. But noooooo... they thought it was funny to see Edward Elric lose his cool. Well, they weren't laughing now...

Of course, neither was he.

The fight—one that had them both rolling on the ground in an effort to gain control of the other—hadn't lasted long. MPs had been called and they'd responded promptly, pulling the two soldiers off each other. It was a slight altercation, but one that was resulting in both of them being escorted to have a long chat with their commanding officers.

Ed wasn't looking forward to seeing Mustang. He just knew the man was going to lecture him about how they were going to keep their tempers and not let this thing provoke them. Ed could almost hear Mustang's lecture in his head and it was quickly turning into a succession of 'blah blah blah's.

They stopped and Ed looked up when one of the men knocked on Mustang's office door. The door opened and Ed was surprised to see Breda standing there, then a moment later he opened the door wider and Ed saw that Fuery was also in the office with Mustang. They all stared at him for a moment, but it was Mustang Ed was watching closest. The man stared at him for a moment, then pressed his lips together in what was probably anger.

"What's going on here?" he asked, standing.

The MPs both saluted, then the one on Ed's left quickly gave a summary of what had happened. Ed caught Breda looking somewhat amused, while Fuery looked embarrassed to have to be reminded of the rumor.

"Thank you. I'll take it from here," Mustang said, then motioned for Ed to move into the office. He quickly dismissed Breda and Fuery; and, when they were gone, Mustang sat back in his chair and stared at Ed with an exasperated expression. "I thought we talked about this."

"Yeah, we did. So?" Ed said defensively.

"So?" Mustang sounded annoyed now. "So, that means I'm going to have you scrubbing toilets for a few hours. Maybe that will give you time to cool your head and think before flying off the handle."

"You can't make me scrub toilets!" Ed exclaimed. "I'm a major! That's totally beneath my status!"

"So is losing your temper and getting into a fist fight with men that far below you in rank," Mustang returned.

"Yeah, but I have rights and privileges," Ed argued, trying to get out of such a boring and gross punishment.

Mustang nodded. "You're right. I'll make sure they give you gloves." Ed huffed in annoyance, but he recognized the look in Mustang's eye and knew that no amount of arguing was going to get him out of this.

"Fine," he muttered. "Anything else?"

Folding his arms, Mustang smiled and said, "Actually, yes. I have an idea that might solve our current situation."

"_My_ current situation," Ed growled. "Could be solved by you giving me a different punishment."

"Alright, you're _other_ current situation; you know, the one that caused the problem in the first place?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "Like I could forget. So what did you come up with?"

"Perhaps you should sit down," Mustang said, motioning with his hand to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

Grudgingly, Ed sat down. "Okay. I'm sitting."

"I want you to promise to listen to what I have to say before saying 'no', alright?" Mustang said, and waited until Ed nodded his agreement before going on. "What if we publically broke up?"

"But we're not even together," Ed pointed out.

"True, but everyone _thinks_ we're together. So we'll go somewhere with a lot of people, get into a loud fight, and break up. The word will spread and there won't be anymore gossip about us." Ed pressed his lips as he thought about it. The idea did seem like a pretty good one, but...

"I don't know," Ed said hesitantly. "If we publically 'break up', then that's just like admitting that everyone was right and that we _were_ dating."

"It won't matter after that because we'll have broken up," Mustang said.

"But it will to me," Ed said. "We're not dating. We never were. If we go with your plan then everyone will think they were right."

"Isn't it worth not having all the rumors flying around about you though?" Mustang asked, trying to persuade him.

"I dunno..." Ed said, still feeling hesitant. "How would we do this break up thing?"

"How about we get into an argument about how you're an insufferable brat and I can't stand to be in a relationship with you anymore?" Mustang suggested with a grin.

Ed scowled. "Why do I have to be the bad guy?" he asked, feeling annoyed.

"I have my reputation to think of."

"And I don't?"

Mustang shrugged. "You already have a reputation for being an insufferable brat."

"And you already have a reputation for being an asshole with a god complex."

"Not really."

"Yes, really," Ed insisted. "You're the one who made this out to be more than what it was, so you should be the one who has to take the rap for being the bad one in the relationship." Mustang looked at him for a while, and Ed could tell that he was trying to figure out how to make this go the way he wanted it to.

"What if—" Mustang began.

"No," Ed said instantly, cutting him off. "I've already made up my mind. If we do this, then you're the bad guy." Not that Ed had exactly decided that he wanted to go along with this at all anyway.

"So you like scrubbing toilets?" Mustang asked with a slow grin.

"I... well no, but what does that have to do with—" And then Ed saw where this was going, and he folded his arms in stubborn determination. "I'd rather scrub toilets than be the bad guy." And then an idea came to him and he decided that there was something that might be worth it.

"What if you let me come over and talk about your theories?" Ed asked.

"Instead of getting out of scrubbing toilets?"

"No, in addition to," Ed bargained.

"Don't you think it would be a little counter productive if we broke up and then you started coming over to my house?" Mustang asked, sounding slightly amused.

"Me an' Al could come at night. No one would know," Ed pointed out. "We'd be all stealthy and stuff."

"I've heard yours and Alphonse's idea of stealthy. It goes something like 'clank clank clank'."

"Okay, so I won't bring Al," Ed said, then added, "I can be stealthy!"

Roy shook his head. "No, that won't work. If we're going to make this deal, then you need to come over before we break up. So, come over tonight, we'll talk about theories and we'll also talk about how we're going to pull this break up thing off, and then we'll do it tomorrow."

"Only one night?" Ed complained.

"You don't really think it's going to take longer than that do you?" Roy asked.

"Well, it _could_," Ed mused. "How about a week?"

"A week?" Roy asked in disbelief. "You want to wait a week before we 'break up'?"

"No, but if I could talk to you about your theories and stuff, then it might be worth waiting for."

"I thought you couldn't stand all this gossip anymore," Roy pointed out.

"That's why I should start coming over after we break up," Ed argued.

"Won't work. No one will believe it if we do it that way and then it will just make things worse." Ed glanced away and thought about it for a moment, trying to decide what he wanted more, then looked back at Roy.

"Sometimes we have to sacrifice for knowledge. I'll let you make me out to be the bad guy if I get a full week to discuss your theories and stuff, _and_ if I don't have to scrub toilets."

Roy gave Ed an amused smile. "You do know that if I start letting you come over at night, then no one in their right mind will believe us if we say we're not dating."

Ed frowned. He hadn't thought about that, but of course that would make sense. It seemed like no matter what they did, there would always be someone waiting to make assumptions about their actions.

"Well..." Ed said slowly as he came to the only logical conclusion. "What if we pretend we're dating for the next week?"

"I thought you didn't like that idea?"

"I don't!" Ed shot back. "But it would only be for a week, and it would make our break up more believable right? Cause then no one will suspect we're saying we're breaking up just to get them off our backs."

* * *

A flicker of excitement rushed through Roy at Ed's suggestion, but he suppressed it the best he could. This was all pretend. He wasn't _really_ going to be dating Ed. Nor did he want to... really... At least that's what he told himself. Truthfully, he wasn't sure _what_ he wanted.

"If you're sure," Roy said with a forced casualness. "I just don't want you to put anything back on me if you decide later that it was a mistake."

"Yeah, yeah," Ed said dismissively. "I'm sure. Unless you have a better idea, I think it's the only thing that will work... Unfortunately..." The last was added in a mutter.

Roy grinned, unable to hide his pleasure at this turn of events. This would give him a chance to satisfy his little curiosity and get out of this hole he'd dug himself into. He'd also have a chance to have a little fun in the process. Standing up, Roy walked around his desk and behind Ed's chair. Before Ed could turn in his seat, Roy rested his hands on Ed's shoulders and leaned down, putting his lips near Ed's ear.

"So do we start dating now?" he whispered in Ed's ear. Ed shivered, then reached up and rubbed at his ear while pulling away from Roy and turning at the same time to look at him.

"I guess..." he said, giving Roy a look that clearly said he wasn't sure what to make out of what had just happened. But Roy wasn't about to be detoured and ran a finger lightly up the back of Ed's neck.

"So when are you coming over tonight?" he asked, practically purring, then choked on an involuntary laugh as Ed's face took on a stunned expression. His face reddened as he seemed to grasp the innuendo.

"I'm... at six?" he stuttered, then practically fell out of the chair in his rush to move away from Roy. "Or... uh... seven...? Eight?"

Roy stood up straight and watched Ed in amusement. "Why don't you come over at six and we'll have dinner together?"

Ed stopped. "Dinner?"

"At my place?"

"You cook?"

"Takeout."

Whatever embarrassment Ed had felt over what had just happened seemed to be slipping away at the prospect of food and Ed asked suspiciously, "Are you paying?"

"Of course. As the man of the relationship, it's my duty to pay," Roy said with a smirk.

Ed stood there for a moment, as if letting that sink in then he scowled. "And what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means I'll pay."

"It means you think I'm the _girl_," Ed snapped, angry now.

"Oh no, you're not a girl. I already checked that, remember?" Roy said. Ed's mouth dropped open, and before he could recover, Roy walked over and pressed his hand against Ed's back between his shoulder blades and guided him toward the door.

Opening the door to the office, Roy gently pushed Ed out, noted that there were people around, then grinned and said loud enough for others to hear, "I'll see you tonight at my house for dinner. Don't be late." And, knowing that what he'd just said would quickly spread through the lines of office gossip and out to the streets, Roy gave Ed his most charming smile and closed the office door.

* * *

And here is chapter 11! Sorry for the wait. It's been pretty crazy lately.

Since I don't think I'll post again before Christmas, and I don't have a Christmas fic planned, I wanted to say Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it even though it's a bit early.

--

**Comments are love.**


	12. Shipping

**A/N:**

This is _short_, and I mean short as in 3 or so pages.  
But it's not meant to be a full chapter in and of itself.  
Consider it an addition to chapter 11. :)  
Merry Christmas!  
**-**

**Object of Gossip**

**11.5**

**Shipping**

**-  
**Ed was not unaware of the silence around him as the door to Mustang's office was slammed shut in his face, but he ignored it in favor of staring at the door in shock. He'd just been _herded_ out of Mustang's office like some sort of _kid_! Growling, Ed pounded his fist against the door.

"Open up, you bastard!" he shouted. "I am _not_ the girl in this relationship! Do you hear me?" When the door still didn't open, Ed tried the doorknob and found it locked. Of course, if he _really_ wanted inside, all he'd have to do is use alchemy, but that would probably result in some sort of military discipline, and he had no desire to be told that he would, indeed, have to scrub toilets.

_Stupid Mustang and his stupid games,_ Ed thought, rubbing at the back of his neck where Mustang had touched him, then turned and glowered at the people who suddenly were _not_ looking at him.

"Fuck it," he muttered and stalked out of the building toward the library where he knew Al would be waiting. He needed to talk to someone about this thing with Mustang, and the natural choice was his brother.

Ed's pace slowed as he excited Central Headquarters. Only... Al didn't believe him... Al thought that he and Mustang were _already_ dating. He wouldn't believe Ed when he said that this was all just a sham so that they could publically 'break up' in a week to get people off their backs.

Feeling a little put out now, Ed stuffed his hands in his pockets and slowly started to walk toward the street. Ed supposed he couldn't blame Al. After all, this whole thing _did _seem pretty strange, and if Ed himself wasn't one of the targets, maybe he would believe the rumors too. But he and Al were _brothers_! Al _should_ believe him! It wasn't as if he lied to Al... very often... Okay so he stretched the truth every once in a while, but nothing like _this._

Stopping at the crosswalk to wait for the walk signal, Ed glanced around and saw that a female civilian military worker had stopped beside him and was peering down at him curiously. Ed blatantly stared back at her with wide belligerent eyes, trying to get the point across that he didn't like being stared at, but she didn't look away.

Finally, Ed snapped, "You know, I'm getting tired of you people staring at me."

She looked a little offended. "'You people'? I'll have you know that I am _not_ one of those weirdos who ship you and Colonel Mustang, okay?"

"Eh... Ship?" Ed asked. "I don't get it."

She rolled her eyes as if he was the dumbest creature on the planet. "Yes, ship. Meaning 'to pair with'."

"Oh, I've never heard that term before."

"Not surprising," she said with a shake of her head. "You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into. There're a lot of crazies out there."

Ed snorted. "I think I've already figured that out."

"You'd better be careful. There are crazies, and then there are _crazies._ You know what I mean?" Before Ed could say anything, she shook her head and said, "No, of course you don't. You don't get it at all. But you will."

"But you're not one of the crazies?"

"Hell no. Do I look like I like to ship boys with men? Now that Lieutenant Havoc? The one who's always smoking?" She made a smoking gesture with an imaginary cigarette. "I totally ship him and the colonel. The lieutenant is on top, of course." She glanced quickly to the light, then waved back at Ed. "See ya." And with that, she started across the street.

Ed didn't move, but simply watched her go. Mustang and _Havoc?_ On _top_? A quick mental image of Havoc and Mustang doing it ran through Ed's head and he gagged a little. _I did not just think about that. I didn't_. But he _did,_ and there was no washing the mental image out of his mind.

Hurrying across the street before the light changed again, Ed started toward the library, trying not to think about Havoc and Mustang doing the nasty. He also tried to ignore the looks he was getting from people he passed. It was like the whole damned _city_ was looking at him. That wasn't true, of course, but it _felt_ like it.

"Helloooo Ed," someone called out and he stopped, looking around for someone he knew. Instead he saw two middle-aged women looking at him from where they sat under the awning of an outdoor café. One, a plump woman with tightly-curled, short, dark-brown hair, was grinning broadly and waving to him to come over. Ed waved back cautiously, not sure if he should go over there or not, but the woman kept waving so he turned and started toward her and her friend.

"_Hello_ Edward," the woman said sweetly, motioning to a chair. "Why don't you come sit with us?"

"Well..." Ed started.

"Oh come on. Let us buy you a treat."

Ed perked up. Food was the magic word and this lady was obviously skilled in its art. When he sat down, she waved over a waiter who brought a small menu for Ed to look at. Mostly there were drinks, but there were some pastries and some light sandwiches as well.

"Have anything you want," the other woman prompted. This one had shoulder length, dishwater blond hair, and though plump herself, was slightly thinner than the woman who had called him over.

Ed greedily looked over the menu for a moment, then remembered his manners. Looking up at them, he said, "Anything? I mean, we don't even know each other."

"Oh we know _you_, honey," the curly-haired woman said. That did not put Ed at ease. In fact, it made him feel uncomfortable enough that he considered turning down their offer of food. "I'm Martha and this is Jan. Now you know who we are too."

"Uh huh..." Ed said, then glanced down at the menu. Stay and get food, but probably stared at like some sort of fresh meat, or leave and get no food... It was a tough decision...

"There's a lot of rumors floating around, and we figured that instead of listening to them, we should just ask you," the blond woman—Jan—said. It sounded as if she was trying to be friendly and sincere, but she had this hungry look in her eyes that Ed didn't trust at all.

They wanted to know about him and Mustang... of course... And then it hit him. Him and Mustang were supposed to be pretending they were dating, so who cared what these women thought. In fact...

"Well, you know, I _am_ an alchemist, and I believe in equivalent exchange, so I guess if you're going to feed me a little bit, then I guess I can talk a little bit."

"Or we could feed you a lot and you could talk a lot," Martha suggested.

Ed grinned, suddenly feeling much better about letting them buy him lunch. Ordering a sandwich, a pastry, and a glass of soda pop, Ed sat back and said, "So what do you want to know?" The women suddenly looked like vultures as they leaned forward, eager for what he might tell them.

"Is it true that you and Roy Mustang are dating? So far it's only a rumor," Jan said.

"Well..." Ed said, trying to sound reluctant. "I don't know if I should say anything."

The women looked at each other conspiratorially, then back at Ed. "Oh but you can tell _us_," Martha coaxed.

Ed considered what he should say next. Should he just out and say they were dating or should he try to string them along a little. It sounded fun, but Ed was too straight forward to string anyone along for very long. And yet, at the same time, he wasn't sure if he could get himself to come straight out and say, 'Why yes, Mustang and I are dating, what of it?'

"We're... kind of seeing each other," Ed said slowly, feeling satisfied with that answer. They _were_ seeing each other. They saw each other at the office every day, and Ed was going to go over to Mustang's place for the next week. So that qualified as seeing each other, right?

The women's reaction was anything but what he expected. They looked at each other again and actually started to _squeal_. Things like 'I knew it' and 'Isn't that so cute' accompanied the squealing. He glanced around and saw that people were starting to stare at them. He might have left if his food hadn't come right then. Starting in on his sandwich as quickly as he could, Ed decided that a quick escape might be best.

"So?" Jan said, once they'd stopped sounding like someone was squeezing them until sound came out. "Why all the secrecy?"

"Uh..." Ed said, his mouth full of sandwich. "Cause we're just _kind of_ seeing each other?"

"What does kind of mean?" Martha asked.

Ed chewed what was in his mouth and swallowed it before saying, "It's complicated." He stuffed the last half of the sandwich in his mouth, eager to be away now. The questions were making him a little more uncomfortable than he'd thought he'd be.

"Complicated huh?" Jan asked, then leaned forward and asked conspiratorially, "Do you love him?"

To that, Ed choked on what was in his mouth. Love? Mustang? Hell no! What was _wrong_ with these women? Tears came to his eyes as he coughed on the sandwich, and he had to take several large swallows of the soda.

"Uh, I gotta go," Ed said, still coughing. "Sorry." He grabbed the pastry and stood up. "Thanks for the food."

"Anytime, sweetie," one of the women said, Ed thought it was Martha, but he was already walking swiftly away.

Love? Mustang? Eww no. No way! He didn't even _like_ Mustang! Well... that wasn't _exactly_ true. Mustang was... _okay_... as far as people went. After all, he did have really good theories, and he was smart. So yeah okay, maybe Ed did like Mustang, but not like that, and definitely not love.

* * *

Like I said in the author's note in the beginning, just consider this an addition to chapter 11, and maybe a little bit of a Christmas gift from me to you.  
Thank you all for reading and for your lovely comments!  
Happy Holidays!


	13. The First Night

**Object of Gossip**

**12 **

**The First Night**

___

"A good book should leave you...slightly exhausted at the end." - William Styron  
_  
At five minutes to six, Ed found himself walking toward one of the apartment buildings close to Central Headquarters. He'd known for some time that Mustang lived here—it wasn't exactly a secret where his co-workers lived—but he'd never had any reason to visit them before.

Pulling open the door to the main lobby, Ed walked in, glanced around, then headed straight for the elevator and pushed the button. The building was nicer inside than he'd supposed it would be. It wasn't anything really fancy, but it was clean and in good repair. And then the elevator door opened and Ed stepped inside, immediately pressing the three.

With a small sigh, Ed leaned against the elevator wall. He hadn't gotten to talk to Al like he'd wanted. When Ed had reached the library, Al had been no where to be seen. He'd asked around, even gone home, but there'd been no sign of him. It wasn't as if Ed was his brother's keeper, it was just that most of the time they let each other know where they'd be. He tried to shrug it off and do some research, but Ed found his mind wandering more often than not and finally gave up.

With a ding, the elevator doors opened and he walked out, heading quickly down the hallway until he found Mustang's door. He looked both ways down the hall, took a deep and nervous breath, then knocked loudly on the door. Ed stood there, looking determined and trying not to show his nervousness, but the door didn't open. Frowning, Ed knocked again, waited, then grunted when _again_ there was no reply.

"Hey!" Ed shouted, banging on the door. "Open up, Mustang! Don't be a fucking jerk!"

This time a door did open, but not Mustang's. One door over on the other side of the hall opened and a young woman stuck her head out. She looked at Ed, grinned, and said, "Having a lover's quarrel?"

"Wha—no!" Ed snapped. "I'm just supposed to be here for dinner at six and it's..." He checked his watch. "It's like five minutes after six and he's not opening up."

"Well, he _is_ kind of a jerk," the young woman said. "I'm not really sure why you're with him. I mean, he's such a womanizer. Do you know he's always ogling me and my friends and making inappropriate noises at us when he's drunk?" She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah that sounds like him," Ed muttered.

"You should dump his ass and find yourself a nice girl to settle down with."

"I'll keep that in mind."

She grinned. "I'm single, just so you know."

Ed flushed instantly. "Uh, okay..." He wasn't quite sure what to do with that comment. The girl grinned wider and was about to say something else, then stopped as the elevator made another ding, before glancing past him and making a look of disgust.

"Sorry I'm late." Ed turned and saw Mustang carrying a couple bags of what looked like cheap Xingian takeout. "They were busier than normal." He looked past Ed and grinned widely. "Hi Kari."

"Fuck off, asshole," she spat, then disappeared and slammed the door shut.

Mustang cleared his throat as he dug in his pocket for the key to his apartment. "She's probably just having a bad day."

"Or she just doesn't like you," Ed put in.

"I doubt that. All women like me. But sometimes women go through these monthly cycles and they get kind of... well, never mind," Mustang said as he pulled out the key.

"She just doesn't like you," Ed repeated.

"She loves me."

"Like a kick to the head."

Mustang gave Ed a flat look, then unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Ladies first," he said as Ed walked through, then laughed as Ed snarled something profane.

Ed turned, getting his first look at Mustang's apartment. The place wasn't spotless, but it wasn't really very messy either. 'Lived in' was probably the best way to put it. There were books here and there, and some dishes in the sink. There was also a dirty coffee mug and a newspaper on the table. But overall the place was clean. It was obvious that the dishes in the sink were recent and the coffee mug was probably from that morning. The floor was swept and vacuumed, and what dust could be seen wasn't too thick.

"Home sweet home," Mustang said, shutting the door behind him and putting the takeout on the kitchen table.

"It wouldn't pass inspection," Ed said.

"Neither would your dorm room," Mustang returned, then grabbed the coffee cup and newspaper from the table, dumped the newspaper in the trash and set the coffee mug in the sink. "Given that you're living on military property, I think you should be more worried about that than me."

Ed shrugged and started taking the boxes from the bags and opening them. "Wha'ddyou get?" he asked curiously, more to himself than to Mustang. There was rice, meat, some breaded fried stuff, vegetables, and a couple cookies.

"What do you think?" Mustang asked, coming to stand beside him.

Ed glanced up. "Meh, it will do. It will be enough to feed me, but what are _you_ going to eat?"

"Ha. Ha," Mustang said sarcastically. "You can have half of what's there. One of those cookies are for you too." And with that he handed Ed a plate. "There are wooden chopsticks in there somewhere, or I can get you a fork."

"I can use chopsticks, stupid ass," Ed snapped as he dished some of the food onto his plate and fished a pair of disposable chopsticks from the bag.

"Someone is touchy tonight," Mustang said irritably as he filled his own plate with food.

Ed looked around. He felt like something was missing... And then it hit him. "Drinks?" he asked.

"In the fridge."

Taking that as an invitation to help himself, Ed went into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and looked inside. There was milk, which Ed instantly passed over; juice; orange juice by the looks of it; and some bottles of beer, something Ed had never had before. Deciding on the juice, Ed pulled a glass from the cupboard and filled it, then walked back to the table and sat down.

"You didn't get me anything?" Mustang asked.

"You didn't say you wanted anything," Ed answered, feeling a little annoyed.

"You didn't ask."

"Fridge is right there. Go get yourself something."

Mustang rolled his eyes, got up, and a moment later returned with an open bottle of beer. "You're not a very thoughtful boyfriend, you know that?"

"Maybe if you weren't so cheap, I'd care more," Ed said. "Besides, we're just pretending to be dating in front of everyone else. It's not like we're _really_ dating."

"Hey, I'm not _cheap._ I did pay for everything myself after all," Mustang said, then took a bite.

"Whatever," Ed muttered, then took a bite of his own food. "What if I didn't like Xingian food, huh?"

"You didn't say you didn't."

"You didn't ask," Ed shot back.

Mustang smirked, pointed at Ed as if to say 'didn't we just have this conversation in reverse?', then took a sip of his beer. Ed grunted and took another big bite, trying to hide his annoyance to which Mustang just laughed.

"Ed, you'll eat anything. I wasn't worried about whether or not you'd like what I bought."

"Okay fine. Can we start talking about your theories now?"

And so they talked about Mustang's theories. It was a rocky start because they'd have to stop and grab books or paper or pens or any other number of items as they went along. Ed's food was quickly eaten along with a second helping, and Roy's first and only helping was pushed aside after he'd eaten all but the last several bites. Plates and take out boxes were exchanged for more paper and books. And, after about four hours, three glasses of juice and two bottles of beer later, the phone rang, bringing them out of what they were currently discussing.

Ed watched as Mustang answered the phone, then blinked in surprise when he held the phone out to him.

"Alphonse," Mustang said simply.

Ed got up and took the receiver. "Hello?"

"Brother, it's ten o'clock. Are you coming home tonight?"

"Uh..." Ed hesitated, eyeing the messy table full of theories, equations, and arrays regretfully. "Yeah I am."

"When?" Al asked. "Before midnight?"

Ed watched as Mustang cleared off the extra bottles from the table and pulled another from the fridge. "Yeah. We're just wrapping up here anyway."

"Uh huh... Wrapping up your 'discussion of theories'?" Al asked skeptically, referring to the note Ed had left him.

"Yes," Ed said, annoyed.

"Right. I guess I'll see you whenever you're done," Al said, then promptly hung up the phone.

Ed sat the receiver down, feeling a little disgruntled, then walked over to the table where Mustang was starting to clean up.

"Time to go home?"

"Something like that..." Ed said, looking down at the table in disappointment.

Mustang picked up the bags, looked inside, then pulled out the two cookies and tossed one to Ed. "Open it and see what your fortune is."

Ed shrugged and opened the strangely shaped cookie, popped one side into his mouth and pulled a slip of paper from the other half. He read it to himself, then out loud. "Your life is about to get very complicated. Be optimistic and accept change with an open mind." He looked at Mustang. "My life is already complicated." He ate the other half and tossed the paper into the garbage. "What does yours say?"

Mustang read his, laughed, then handed the paper to Ed and started eating his cookie. Ed looked over the paper and scowled. "It is good to seek out the best things in life. Just remember that the best things often come in little packages?" he said in annoyance. "Why is that funny?"

The question only brought more laugher, and Ed was sure it had something to do with his height, but before Ed could demand more answers, Mustang said, "You could stay a little bit longer. You don't have to leave right now if you don't want to."

"And do what?" Ed grunted. Mustang shrugged and Ed rolled his eyes before walking over to the couch and plopping down. "You're already putting away all the good stuff. I want to come back over tomorrow again so we can finish that equation we were talking about."

"That was part of the deal right?"

"Yeah..." Ed mumbled, disappointed that he couldn't spend the rest of the night at that table. Mustang's theories and views were good ones, and he had intelligent answers for everything, which was surprising to Ed given how much of an asshole the man was a lot of the time.

Ed glanced over at the end table and saw a book sitting by the lamp. It had a book mark inserted about halfway through; and, out of curiosity, Ed picked it up and started reading. The first paragraph he started on made his eyed go wide, his mouth drop, and his groin start to burn with something more private than what he wanted made known on Mustang's couch. He didn't know who the characters where, but by the end of the second page, Ed was hooked... and in need of some private time...

"Like what you're reading?" Mustang asked, and Ed slammed the book shut feeling even more embarrassed knowing that Mustang knew what it was he was reading. Mustang sat down on the opposite side of the couch and smirked knowingly at him. "You can borrow it, if you want."

"I... I'm not really interested..." He trailed off. It was true that he'd never had much of an interest in relationships and the like before, but this book... what he'd read...

"Yes. You are," Mustang said, amused. "It's not mine, so don't lose it. I'm borrowing a bunch from... well, it doesn't matter who I'm borrowing them from... but I just wanted to... eh... do some research on how women see men in our situation... or... something..." It was Mustang's turn to look embarrassed. "Just don't expect to find realistic men in there. Women write pretty much all of these types of books, and the men tend to get a little feminized," he added.

Ed nodded, then stood up. "Yeah... okay..." he said, not looking at Mustang. I guess I'll borrow it for research too..." He paused, then said, "I gotta go." Ed walked to the door, opened it, then looked back at Mustang. "Be sure to get something better for dinner tomorrow."

Mustang scowled. "I never said I'd buy dinner tomorrow night."

"But you're the 'man' in the relationship, right?" Ed asked, deciding to take advantage of his so called 'role' in this to get more free food.

"Go home," Mustang said in annoyance.

Ed grinned and walked out, shutting the door behind him. He didn't see Mustang's neighbor, Kari, stick her head out of her apartment, or have any idea that yet another phone call was about to be placed to The Gossip. The only thing he had on his mind at the moment was the book in his hands. The four hour discussion had been amazing, and he'd dwell on all of that later, but right now he was eager to go home and re-read what he'd just read. Perhaps... he'd even take a shower and have some alone time afterwards... or... something...

* * *

Sorry about the long, long, wait for this chapter, but here it is. Hopefully I'll have more for you in the near future. :)

* * *

**Comments are always appreciated.**


	14. Pet Names

**Object of Gossip**

**13 **

**Pet Names**

"It's about time you got home."

Ed shut the door, then glanced over to where Alphonse was sitting and pouring over some alchemy texts.

"It's only like..." Ed looked at his watch. "10:43," he said. "I left pretty soon after you called."

Al grunted and Ed sighed. He'd _tried _before to explain that Mustang and him weren't dating, but his brother just seemed to think he was lying. He wanted to make him understand that what was going on this week was nothing more than a plan to get people off their backs, but he hated hearing that tone in Al's voice—the one that said he didn't believe a word Ed was saying.

Walking over to his bed, Ed sat heavily and set the book he'd been holding in his lap. "Alphonse, nothing is going on with me and the colonel."

"Uh huh."

"Right now we're just going to pretend we're dating so that we can pretend to break up in a week," Ed explained. "We just want people to leave us alone." He sat there, staring at Al, willing him to just believe him, but when there was no answer, Ed frowned in disappointment. "Fine," Ed finally muttered. "Don't believe me."

"I don't," Al grunted, then stood up. "You should sleep. I'm going to go for a walk."

Ed watched him go, knowing that Al probably wouldn't be back for several hours at least. His brother liked to go for long walks sometimes while Ed slept. Not being able to sleep had been hard on Alphonse, but he'd made the most of it by studying the night life of different towns and cities, and by studying the stars.

Annoyed at not being believed, Ed stood, stripped down to his boxers, and turned on the lamp by his bed before turning off the overhead light. Sitting down on his bed again, Ed eyed the book he'd borrowed from Mustang. It wasn't exactly the kind of book he'd want to read around his brother... and it wasn't as if Al was here right now... _and_ Ed wasn't exactly tired...

He looked nervously at the door, then got up and looked out the window to see if Alphonse was anywhere near by. There was no sign of him and Ed retreated back to his bed, feeling a little eager now. Opening up the book, Ed re-read the parts he'd read at Mustang's place, re-read them again, then leafed through the book, idly skimming a part here and a part there. He stopped and paid more attention to the erotic scenes, sometimes reading them several times before moving on.

After about thirty minutes, Ed stuffed the book between his bed and the wall where Al wouldn't see it, turned off the lamp and lay there, thinking about what he'd just read. The scenes had been well written, brining much to the imagination in a way that Ed could almost see everything in his mind, and the heat gathered at Ed's groin was enough to tell him that the book's intended purpose had been served.

Slapping a hand over his face, Ed gave a small moan, thinking about when Al had accused him of being gay. Just because he'd gotten hard reading about men having sex together did not mean he was gay! Of course, if Alphonse ever found out there would be no convincing him otherwise.

'_And what's wrong with being gay?'_ his mind asked him.

Ed immediately shook his had, trying to fend off the thoughts. _Nothing _was wrong with being gay, but that just wasn't him! He'd never fantasized about men before, just as he'd never fantasized about women. The closest he'd ever come to being interested in someone was after he'd read Mustang's notebook in the park. The man had seemed to become a little more attractive after that. Even after tonight, Ed found himself enjoying Mustang's company more than he had in the past.

But none of that meant he was gay! It just meant that he was drawn to Mustang's intelligence. Besides, Mustang was a fucking bastard who seemed to think that teasing Ed was one of the most entertaining past times available to him.

Annoyed at his current line of thought, Ed rolled over, determined to sleep, but knowing it wasn't going to happen if he didn't take care of a certain personal problem. Shoving a hand low beneath the blanket, Ed went at it with a purpose in mind—that being the need to find release so that he could sleep.

But as he continued, Ed's mind pulled up the memories of what he'd read, bringing up every detail, and finding a place for him in the mix. Ed's hand slowed as he replayed the scenes, no longer anxious to finish. Somewhere along the way, Mustang was substituted for the other character Ed only knew by name. His brain seemed to twist the scenes so that they fit his life.

They were at Mustang's house, then at his office, then at the park, then at the library. His breathing quickened as each scene morphed into something new and different with each moment, and then it ended in a moment of hard pleasure, leaving his heart racing in his chest and his mouth open, gasping for air.

It had been amazing. So much better than any other time he'd done this to himself. Ed rested there bonlessly for a moment, then realized his hand and the top sheet were all wet. Annoyed that he hadn't thought ahead, Ed pulled off the blanket, pulled off the top sheet, and used it to clean himself off before tossing it in the laundry basket. He washed his hands, then came back to bed feeling tired and oh so good.

Pulling the blanket back over himself, Ed closed his eyes, deciding that he might actually read the whole book tomorrow instead of skimming for the 'interesting' parts.

* * *

Roy yawned widely as he walked into the breakroom, then stopped as the room quieted. Several of his subordinates were sitting around before their shift, tabloid in hand. Roy didn't even have to look to know which one it was.

"Mornin', boss," Havoc said with a grin. "You have a good night last night?"

Roy eyed him warily. "Maybe... why?" he asked, then poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Says here that Ed spent quite a bit of time at your place last night," Denny Brosh said, then held out the tabloid.

Roy took it and scanned the article. "Damn, that bitch works fast," he muttered, wondering which one of his neighbors had called The Gossip to tell their supposedly juicy tale. Of course it could have been someone outside of his building, or it was possible that Ed had been followed and whoever it was had waited outside until he came out. But that was pretty ridiculous thinking. Surely people had more to do than to follow his and Ed's 'relationship' that closely.

Glancing up from the tabloid, Roy eyed the people sitting around the breakroom, then handed the paper back to Brosh and shook his head.

Or... maybe not...

"I'll be in my office," he said with a small smirk.

"You're not going to tell us what happened?" Breda asked.

Roy glanced back, thoroughly amused. "I don't want to bore you with the details."

"We wouldn't be bored," Maria Ross said, her voice respectful, but eagerness tinged her voice.

_Oh yes you would be,_ Roy thought, thinking about how Ed and he had passed the evening away talking about alchemic theories and mathematical formulas.

Roy had actually enjoyed the evening more than he'd expected to. It wasn't often he could ramble on about his views and ideas about alchemy and have someone listen with such rapt attention. It was actually very flattering. Not only had Ed been extremely interested in every idea Roy had talked about, but he'd added his own insight. He'd also not been shy about challenging Roy's theories, making Roy have to really think about the answers before he gave them.

If he was honest with himself, and he generally was, last night as they sat around that table was probably the first time he'd really seen Ed completely as an equal. Not a subordinate, not someone younger than him, not as a brat or an annoyance or as someone he could amuse himself with by teasing, but as someone he could talk with about serious matters and have intelligent conversation with. There were, of course, points where Ed's youth and naivety shone through, but it hadn't taken anything away from the experience; in fact, in some ways, it had even added to it.

Roy's original plan had been to get dinner, and have a bit of fun teasing Ed over the course of the evening, maybe even pull some moves on Ed—half for curiosity's sake, half for laughs—and sure they'd get some discussing done, but it wouldn't be anything _serious_. Strange how things didn't turn out the way you thought they would at times...

Before Roy could answer, a voice said, "What's going on here?"

Glancing to the door, Roy saw Ed walk in and look around. When he saw Roy, Ed's cheeks went pink and he looked away quickly. Roy frowned. What was _that_ about?

"Hey Ed!" Havoc said. "Have a good time last night?"

"I... yeah, I did," Ed said, sounding a little unsure.

"Was Mustang as good as you thought he'd be?" Breda asked.

Ed looks a little confused for a moment, then shrugged. "Yeah. He was great. A lot better than I thought he'd be. I didn't really realize how deep he could get, but I was surprised in a good way. I'm really looking forward to going back tonight."

At that, Roy nearly choked on his coffee. Apparently Ed's mind was not in the same place as everyone else's, and he seemed genuinely confused at why Breda and Havoc were laughing or why Ross and Hawkeye were looking at each other with raised eyebrows.

Clearing his throat, Roy filled another cup of coffee, walked to Ed and handed it to him, then glanced back at everyone else.

"Excuse us," he said, then put his hand on Ed's back and gently pushed him out into the hallway.

"What?" Ed asked, then frowned down at his coffee. "I don't like it black."

"I have cream and sugar in my office if you need it," Roy said, still amused. He let his hand linger on Ed's back for a moment longer before pulling it away.

They walked in silence for a moment before Ed said, "Did you tell them I came over last night?"

Roy looked down at Ed and raised an eyebrow. "You didn't see what they were reading?"

"I... no..." Ed stopped and looked angrily up at Roy. "Wait... that's _really_ fast. How the hell did she know?"

Shrugging, Roy sipped at his coffee. "Someone probably saw you and called in." When Ed's face darkened even more, Roy said, "Don't let it get to you. Remember, we _want_ people to think we're dating so that the breakup will be more real."

"I know, but it still makes me mad. It's like I have no privacy anymore! Don't people have anything better to do with their time?"

"Apparently not." Roy smiled a small smile and reached down and gently touched Ed's cheek. He half expected Ed to bat his hand away and snarl something nasty at him—at which point, Roy intended to laugh and get Ed on a different subject—but, instead, Ed flushed darkly. Ed stepped away, but not before he hesitated as if unsure which action he wanted to take.

"I didn't say you could touch me," Ed muttered, sounding embarrassed.

"You don't want me to touch you?" Roy asked, curious about Ed's new attitude.

"Uh, no. I mean..." Ed glanced around. "Everyone is watching us!" he hissed.

Roy looked up and down the hall, and why yes, it was very true that people were watching them with interest. Grinning, Roy stepped away and started walking again. Looking back, he noticed Ed was still standing there, looking embarrassed.

Feeling a bit of pity for Ed, Roy did the only thing he could think of, and said loudly, "Hurry up. You're not going to stand there all day, are you? Love Muffin?"

Ed looked up at him sharply, eyes wide. He mouthed the words 'love muffin' to himself, then anger flashed in his eyes as he stormed after Roy, looking ready for a fight. Nodding to himself, Roy began walking again. Ed might still be a little embarrassed, but he had a bit of irritated anger to kick him in the pants and get him going again.

Roy got to his office before Ed could catch up with him, and settled himself behind his desk before Ed stormed in, slammed the door shut, and snapped, "Love Muffin?"

"You don't like it? I thought it fit you pretty well."

"In what way?" Ed growled, then looked around. "Cream and sugar?" he asked.

"You're small, muffins are small. Perfect pet name." Roy motioned to a small fridge in the corner of the room. "Cream is in there, and sugar is on top."

Stalking to the little fridge, Ed loaded up on sugar, muttering darkly to himself, then held up one of the creamers. "this is the fake stuff, right?"

"Yes," Roy said, rolling his eyes. "The military is far too cheap to buy creamer made with _real _milk."

Ed nodded in satisfaction, dumped some in, then took a sip of the coffee before glaring back at Roy. "I don't _need_ a pet name."

"I could call you "Fullmuffin," Roy suggested with a grin.

"Or you could shut your face!"

"How about cupcake?" Roy laughed out loud when Ed snarled at him. "Oh come on, Ed. At least it's not tum-tums, or Shoogie Woogie, or Cudly-Wudly, or Shmoopsie Poo, or—"

"Call me any of those names and I won't be held responsible for your death," Ed snapped.

"So Love Muffin it is?"

"No! I don't want a pet name for something small!"

"I can't think of anything else."

"Fine! I'm going to start calling you 'Flame of my Heart' cause you give me heartburn!" Ed snapped.

"That's a little long, isn't it? Not very catchy either."

Ed seemed to consider this for a moment, then frowned. "I'll come up with something."

"You do that," Roy said, not concerned. He didn't really care what Ed called him.

Annoyed, Ed stomped over to the door and pulled it open. "Whatever. I'll see you tonight. Don't forget dinner!" And with that, Ed walked out and slammed the door shut.

_That went well_, Roy thought wryly, then chuckled to himself as he replayed the last ten minutes in his head. It was going to be one crazy week, but after that, he'd be free from all this insanity.

* * *

**Comments are always appreciated.**


	15. The Second Night

—

**Object of Gossip **

**14 **

**The Second Night**

—

"_A dirty book is rarely dusty." ~ Author Unknown_

—

Ed shifted the book under his arm as he walked. He didn't want anyone to see it and know what he'd been reading, but he felt as though everyone knew anyway. It was more the way people glanced at him from the corner of their eyes, or whispered to each other when he passed, that made him feel uneasy and exposed. No... not 'people'—women. It was women in general who did this, though there was the occasional man.

The women watched him silently, and the girls giggled a little when he passed. Ed wasn't privy to their conversations or their meaningful looks. He wasn't included in what seemed to be private jokes passed between his onlookers. On occasion he would hear a word or two, but for the most part it was an undercurrent of energy that he could literally feel pulsing around him.

And it was getting stronger day by day.

Ed had spent an unbearable afternoon with Alphonse in the library. Al's silent treatment was driving Ed mad just as quickly as the whispered curiosities. When he finally couldn't take it anymore, Ed had left, found a tree to sit under, and read the book he'd borrowed from Mustang until the light began to fade.

In truth, he'd read the book completely through before the day's end, but he'd revisited his favorite parts several times. He took note of the author—Amanda Smockmer—and decided he'd be asking Mustang if he had anymore of her works. As Mustang had said, the men in the book were... not exactly realistic, but the story itself had been good and the more personal scenes had been extremely arousing and interesting.

And so, it was with some embarrassment that Ed found himself walking down the hallway of Mustang's apartment building, book tucked under his arm, and stomach growling. He was almost there, when Mustang's neighbor—Kari—stuck her head out and grinned at him.

"Back again?" She seemed amused and almost pleased; though at what, Ed didn't know.

Surprised at her sudden reappearance, Ed looked around, wondering if there were hidden cameras in the hallway, or perhaps someone had cued her in on his arrival, then he looked back at her.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Easy. I can hear you walking. These walls aren't exactly sound proof." Kari reached around and patted the wall. "Also, the floor in the hallway creaks, and you just have heavy foot steps; or, at least, one of your footsteps is heavy. That's how I can tell it's you. Everyone has their own way of walking."

Ed cracked a smile. "You're pretty observant."

"Yeah, well, I like to know who's outside before I leave my apartment. There are _some_ people I try to avoid." Her eyes flitted toward Mustang's door, then back at Ed, giving him a quick grin.

That brought a chuckle from Ed, and he nodded. "Okay, good point."

"So how about coming to visit me instead? I can cook you a homemade meal instead of feeding you takeout," she said in a tone that promised more than just dinner.

"I... uh..." Ed began, then cut off when the door to Mustang's apartment opened and he stuck his head out.

"Are you trying to steal my boyfriend again, sweetie?" Mustang asked with a lecherous smile.

"All's fair in love and war, asshole," Kari said, her voice dripping with fake affection.

He rolled his eyes, then looked at Ed. "Come inside. I already bought dinner."

"Is it home cooked?" Ed asked. "Cause she said she cooks."

"She also sets off the smoke alarm," Mustang pointed out.

There was a derisive laugh, then, "I believe the last time the smoke alarm went off on this floor, _someone_ decided to set their furniture on fire in the middle of the night."

Mustang's mouth opened, then he closed it and glared at her. "Come on, Ed."

Ed glanced at Kari, who looked smug with triumph, then followed Mustang into his apartment and closed the door. Instantly the smell of burgers and fries met his nose, making his stomach growl again, and Ed looked at the table to see two bags of fast food waiting on the table. The paper bags were grease stained, and Ed was sure that whatever was inside was far from healthy.

"You call this 'better'?" Ed asked, plopping down at the table and looking in one of the bags. Mustang shrugged, pulled a beer and a soda from the fridge, then came to the table. He gave Ed the soda, then opened his beer and took a drink.

"I see that hasn't stopped you from drooling all over it."

Ed quickly brought a hand to his lips as if to wipe away something, then scowled. "I'm not _drooling_."

"You're practically foaming at the mouth," Mustang said, pulling a burger out of the bag and tossing it to Ed. "Eat something before you go rabid."

"You're such a jerk," Ed muttered, but unwrapped the food and took a bite anyway. He glanced at the pile of books and papers on the far end of the table, still where they'd left them from the night before. "You go over any of those today?" he asked, motioning toward them with the burger.

"Sure," Mustang said dryly, pulling out a burger for himself. "Between my meetings and paperwork, I reviewed all our notes and equations and came up with a theory to redefine space and time as we know them."

Ed looked at Mustang in surprise, took in his deadpan expression as he took a bite of his dinner, then said, "Oh, you're joking..."

There was a roll of the eyes, then, "I had time to come home, shower, and get dinner before you came over. I know it's hard to believe, but I'm actually pretty busy during the day."

"Yeah... it _is_ hard to believe," Ed muttered, and pulled some fries out of the nearest bag. Mustang looked on the table where Ed had put the book he'd borrowed, then smirked and looked at Ed.

"Did you finish it?"

Ed nearly choked on a fry.

"Yeah..." he muttered, embarrassed by Mustang's knowing look.

"Did you _enjoy_ it?"

Ed's face flamed and he looked fixedly at his soda.

"Yeah... it was okay. I liked the... plot."

"The plot?" Mustang made the question sound like a statement.

"Can we not talk about it?" Ed asked. "I'm trying to eat."

"You want to borrow another one?" Mustang asked, completely ignoring Ed's attempt to deflect the questions.

"No," Ed snapped, then immediately asked, "You have anymore by Amanda Smockmer?"

"Several," Mustang confirmed. Ed glanced up from the soda and looked at Mustang silently. The clock ticked away ten seconds before Mustang said, "Yes, you can borrow them."

"Okay, thanks," Ed mumbled, looking away again.

"No problem," Mustang said. There was a pause, a grin, and then a belated, "Love Muffin."

* * *

Dinner came and went, talk turned toward more academic subjects, and soon enough dinner was cleaned up, greasy hands were washed, and out came the research. Time flew by and before Ed knew it the clock was chiming out that ten o' clock was upon them.

"Maybe we should stop here," Mustang suggested. Ed stretched and pushed away the book he'd been looking over.

"You're right. Al will flip his shit if I'm not home before midnight." Although, Ed was sure that the very fact of him coming over to Mustang's and staying there late was cause enough for contention.

Standing up, Mustang said, "Let me grab those books for you. I'll be right back." Ed watched him go down the hall to his bedroom. There was silence then a small cry of pain and a curse. Frowning, Ed walked down the hall to Mustang's bedroom, and looked inside to see him kneeling on the floor by the bed and rubbing his head.

"What are you doing?" Ed asked.

"I hit my head on the nightstand," Mustang complained.

Stepping inside and around the bed, Ed saw a bag of books half under the bed, and realized Mustang must have hit his head while trying to get to the books.

"You keep them under your bed?"

Mustang glared at Ed, then started going through the bag. "It's a place to keep them," he muttered.

Ed glanced around, then back at Mustang, but his eyes were pulled to the man's bed; or, more specifically, his pillow. The fingertips of gloves were sticking out from beneath Mustang's pillow. Ed was sure they were ignition gloves, but what were they doing _there_?

"Alright," Mustang said, stuffing the bag back under the bed. "Here's three. There are a few more in the bag, but you're not going to get through more than this before tomorrow anyway."

Ed took the books with a murmured thanks, then turned to go and stopped when he saw scorch marks on the bookcase and wall directly across from the bed.

"Is this what Kari was talking about?" Ed asked.

"Just ignore her," Mustang said dismissively.

"But..." Ed touched the wall. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

Ed turned and looked at Mustang, then his eyes flitted toward Mustang's bed where he'd seen the gloves. He wanted to ask, wanted to know what happened. After all, Mustang's position when this took place had most likely been in bed.

"Yeah..." Ed said, slowly pulling his gaze back to Mustang. "Okay. If you say so."

"I say so."

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence, then Ed said, "I... gotta go. See you tomorrow at work?"

"Of course. Don't forget we have a staff meeting first thing in my office tomorrow morning."

Ed groaned. "I hate those..."

"Suck it up. We all hate them. Deal with it, and be there first thing or I'm going to write you up."

"You'd write up your own boyfriend?" Ed asked.

"You'd better believe it."

"Well, aren't you just full of flowers and kittens," Ed said, rolling his eyes and starting down the hall.

"I mean it, Ed."

Ed reached the front door and put his hand on the doorknob. "So I get written up. Big deal. What are you going to do? Kick me out of the military?"

"I could."

"But you won't."

"Don't test me."

Opening the door, Ed took a step out into the hall, then turned, "Are you trying to fuck with me or something?"

"I'm _always_ trying to fuck with you," Mustang said with a smirk. "You're just that fun."

Ed scowled. "And you're boring. I swear, if I come I'll just fall asleep anyway. I'll get nothing out of it."

"You're being _paid_ for your time; you could at least provide the services you're being compensated for."

"I provide lots of services. I haven't had any complaints yet, except for _you_."

Mustang stepped forward out into the hall toward Ed. "You know what?" he began, then looked up and frowned. Ed turned and saw an older woman standing by her door, keys in the door as if she'd been planning on going inside, but got side tracked. She was staring at them curiously, and listening intently to their conversation.

"Good evening, Mrs. Philips," Mustang said blandly.

The woman looked from Mustang to Ed, then back to Mustang before murmuring a, "Good evening, Mr. Mustang," before hurrying inside and shutting her door.

They looked at each other, then Mustang sighed. "Just come to the meeting... on _time_, and save me the trouble of having to discipline you."

"You sound like Pinako," Ed muttered. "Only she'd spank us when we misbehaved."

"If spanking is what it takes to get you to behave..." Mustang began, exasperated.

Ed snorted in annoyance. "I'll be there."

"You'd better."

Turning, Ed waved. "See you tomorrow. Thanks for the books."

"Have a nice night," Mustang said back, and Ed could practically hear the amused smile in his tone. With burning face, Ed hurried down the hall and left, telling himself that he was hurrying home so that Al wouldn't be worried, and not so that he could read the books he'd just borrowed.

* * *

Sorry for the delay on this chapter. Hope you enjoyed!

Also, I'm going to Anime Banzai and Yaoi Con this year (2010), so if any of you are going, let me know! I'd love to have the chance to say hi in person. :)

—

**Comments are always appreciated.**


	16. Object of Scorn and Pity

—

**Object of Gossip **

**15 **

**Object of Scorn and Pity**

—

Ed opened his eyes and sat up quickly when he heard the door slam open. He blinked once, then again, then exhaled sharply when he realized it was only Alphonse. Lying back down, Ed glanced at the clock and groaned. There would be no going back to sleep for him. In fact, he had enough time to throw on some clothes and run down to Mustang's office in time for the meeting.

Jumping out of bed, Ed scrambled to dress. "Thanks for waking me up," he said. "Mustang's going to have my ass if I'm not on time today."

"Brother, we need to talk," Al said, concern and anxiety in his voice.

Ed glanced up as pulled on his jacket. Al had been ignoring him for a while and now he wanted to talk? Right as Ed needed to rush out the door? Ed shook his head. No way. If Al wanted to talk to him, they could do it later, under _Ed's_ terms.

"It's important," Al said as Ed strode across the room to the door.

"So's this meeting," Ed threw back. "Catch me later."

"Brother!" Al called after him. "Why didn't you tell me!"

"Tell you what?" Ed asked, annoyed.

"About what the Colonel is doing to you!"

Ed rolled his eyes. Not _this_ again! "I've been _trying_ to tell you, but you don't listen to me!" Ed snapped, then slammed the door shut behind him and walked away. This wasn't the time to be talking about this. Checking his watch, Ed made a sound of exasperation and started to jog.

People watched him run down the sidewalk, but he ignored them. They were always watching him now anyway. What was a little extra attention? It was only when he reached the reflective glass doors of headquarters that Ed realized he'd forgotten to do his hair, his jacket was actually inside out, and his fly was unzipped.

Annoyed, Ed zipped up his pants and pulled off his jacket as he walked through the doors and down the hall to the elevator. Now that he wasn't running, Ed noticed that the looks he was getting this morning were ones that bordered more along the lines of pity or even scorn rather than curiosity.

"Oh hell..." Ed muttered as he walked into the elevator and pushed the button irritably. You couldn't look your best _every_ morning.

Ed had spent most of the night reading and had only actually gone to sleep by sheer will, knowing that he had to be up in the morning. The only problem being that he'd forgotten to set his alarm clock; though, really, it hadn't been that big of a problem since his brother had woken him up anyway.

Stepping out of the elevator, Ed pulled on his now right-side-out jacket as he hurried down the hallway toward Mustang's office. He could see Havoc and Breda going in, so at least he'd made it on time.

Walking into the office, Ed saw that everyone was there but the man in charge himself. There had been some talking going on, but that all stopped when Ed came through the door. And, of course, they all looked at him, but then they looked away as if trying _not_ to look at him.

_Well, that's a change_, he thought, then asked, "Where's Mustang?"

"Red district looking for fun?" Havoc asked with a smirk and a shrug, then instantly he sobered when he was elbowed in the side by Falman. Clearing his throat, Havoc added, "Sorry. It's probably a sensitive subject for you."

Ed blinked, confused. "What—" he began, then stopped when Mustang strode through the door.

"You made it! Good," Mustang said with a grin. "I guess this means no spankings for you today. Such a shame. I was looking forward to it too."

"You wish," Ed snapped back, not in the mood to joke around. He just wanted this meeting to be over so he could go back to sleep for another few hours.

"Alright, sit down, Fullmetal." Mustang looked him over, taking in his disheveled appearance, and smirked. "Long night?"

Ed scowled as he sat down. "I think you already know the answer to that."

And, so, the meeting began. It was boring, like always, and Ed quickly lost interest in the numbers, forms, etc., that were the various topics of discussion. Given that he wasn't paying attention, it wasn't hard for Ed to miss the occasional stray glance of pity his way or the displeased looks they were giving Mustang.

The colonel seemed to have noticed the glances too because after fifteen minutes he stopped and said, "Is there something you'd like to _say _before we continue? You all look like you're going to mutiny, and I have to admit, I have no idea why. Spit it out so we can get on with our business."

There were shared glances, and looks of uneasiness before Fuery—of all people—pulled out that day's issue of The Gossip.

"It's just that..." Fuery began, his face starting to turn red. "Well... is it true?"

Mustang sighed and shook his head. "What did that woman write this time?" he asked, sounding tired.

When the other officers still looked hesitant, Ed decided to take the matter into his own hands. Snatching the magazine from Furey, Ed flipped through until he found the gossip column about him and Roy. He scanned through it quickly, and by the time he was done, Ed found that his mouth was hanging open in disbelief.

"That _bitch_!" he breathed, then handed the magazine to Mustang for him to read. "That fucking bitch..." Even as he said it, Ed wasn't sure if he meant that Hawkins woman or the old woman from the night before who had surely been the one to call in.

Mustang's eyes widened a little and his eyebrows rose as he read. "Well... that certainly explains the hostile looks I've been getting today..." he said, then looked around at everyone. "Let's get one thing clear right now. I'm an extremely good lover. I've never had anyone get bored in my bed."

Ed rolled his eyes in exasperation. "No one cares about _that, _you stupid ass. You think you could talk about the part where she thinks I'm a whore?"

Mustang glared at Ed. "_I_ care about that part. I don't want people thinking I'm a terrible lover!"

"And I don't want people thinking you're paying me to be your fuck toy!" Ed growled.

Nodding, Mustang looked at the other officers and said, "I've _never_ had to pay for sex. Not with Ed, not with anyone, so get that out of your minds right now. Someone as good as me doesn't _need_ to pay for sex."

"_And _I'm not a whore. I don't sell myself out to anyone," Ed snapped angrily, snatching the magazine back and looking down at it. Angrily, Ed re-read over the last barrage of questions that Robin Hawkins had posed after the bulk of the article.

"_Is it possible that Colonel Mustang is taking advantage of his position to satisfy his most base instincts? How professional can it be to force a parentless child into a lifetime of prostitution just so that he can take care of his younger brother? Have we mistaken this relationship all along? Perhaps the military is turning a blind eye to the abuse so that they can make use of his alchemic talent? Or, perhaps, the Fullmetal Alchemist enjoys being 'The People's Alchemist' in more ways than is professional."_

"What bullshit," Ed growled and tossed the magazine in the garbage. With a grunt, he threw himself back onto the couch where he'd been sitting and snapped, "Can we just finish the meeting so I can leave?"

Mustang gave Ed and exasperated look, as if he wanted to address the matter further, then went back to his agenda. It took another fifteen minutes to finish up, and no sooner had Mustang given them permission to leave, then Ed was out the door.

It all made sense! No wonder Al had been all worried and concerned. It was frustrating that his brother would believe _this_ pile of garbage and not what Ed had been trying to tell him. Slamming his finger against the elevator call button, Ed folded his arms and glared at anyone who dared look at him. The pity in some of their eyes was sickening, and the scorn he saw from others was infuriating. He wasn't a whore! He'd never sell his body out like that!

Ed was pulled from his thoughts when he heard his name called from behind him. He didn't even have to turn to know it was Mustang. Well, fuck him. Ed didn't want to talk to him, didn't want to even _look_ at him! When the elevator door opened, he walked in and pushed the button for the lobby, then watched as the doors closed before Mustang could catch up.

Unfortunately, the elevator stopped on the next floor down to let in two men who were probably in their mid-late thirties, both lieutenants. Ed tried to ignore them, but as soon as the doors closed, one spoke.

"So how much do you charge?" The second lieutenant elbowed the one who'd spoken, but the first only looked at him and smirked. "I want to know how to get in on the goods, Henderson."

The second lieutenant—Henderson—didn't seem nearly as amused as the first man, and said, "What _Colonel_ Mustang and _Major_ Elric do in their spare time, is none of our business, Tohmas." He seemed to be emphasizing the fact that despite all of this, Ed and Mustang were their superiors and should be treated with respect.

Tohmas snorted and looked Ed over with obvious lust in his eyes. "No disrespect, _sir,_" he said in a mocking tone of false respect. "I was just wondering how much it would be to receive your services."

Ed clenched his teeth and snarled. He was about to let Tohmas know exactly what his services would be like for someone like him when the elevator doors opened and a very winded Mustang reached in and pulled Ed out of the elevator.

"Just a minute!" Ed shouted. "I have something to say to that asshole!"

"No you don't," Mustang said, then addressed the two lieutenants coldly. "Don't believe everything you read, and I would recommend getting out of my sight." Tohmas didn't seem quite as brave now and practically scampered away through the foyer with Henderson walking briskly behind.

Angrily, Ed pulled away from Mustang's grip. "You can't just speak for me like that!"

"I can when you're about ready to make things worse!"

"You don't know what they said to me!"

"I can guess," Mustang said calmly, though still slightly out of breath from running down the emergency stairwell. "Let it go. By tomorrow some other bit of gossip will be going around and today's will be forgotten."

Ed pressed his lips together, trying to hold onto the anger he felt, trying to not let the pinprick of hurt come to the forefront of his emotions.

"I'm not a whore," Ed said. "I don't like people thinking that about me."

"I know that. You know that. It will blow over; don't let it get to you."

Ed was silent for a moment. He knew Mustang was right, but... "I don't like Al thinking those things about me," he said quietly. "I don't want him to think I'm doing stuff like that or that I'm the type of person to do... what that dumb magazine says... I have to go and find him. I have to talk to him and make him understand."

0-0-0-0

Roy nodded as Ed explained. Personally, Roy'd had plenty of experiences with nasty rumors about him before. It was never fun, but they always were sorted out in the end. But Ed was used to people saying good things about him. This daily rollercoaster of gossip had to be hard on him, especially today's.

Aware that they were being watched, Roy decided it was best to play to the crowd. After all, every public thing they did was going to either confirm or deny the latest piece of gossip, or it was going to create new rumors. That was just the nature of the beast.

Stepping close to Ed, Roy put his hands on Ed's shoulders and looked steadily at him. He hoped it looked as caring to everyone else as he was trying to seem.

"Then you should go and talk to your brother. He'll believe you. Even if no one else believes you, he will," Roy said, trying to sound passionate about his words, and also trying not to start laughing in embarrassment of how stupid he felt.

Ed shook his head, looking even more distressed. "No he won't! He doesn't believe anything I say lately."

Roy hesitated. Ed kind of had a point, and he was inclined to say so, but that didn't play well for this performance. In an effort to buy himself a little more time to think of an answer, Roy pulled Ed close and hugged him tightly. Ed stiffened immediately, then slowly he relaxed and hesitantly returned the embrace. And then the right words came to Roy and he smiled, knowing this was going to play out beautifully.

Stepping away, Roy looked down at Ed and touched his cheek gently. "It will be okay. I know the truth. I know your love isn't bought and sold, and I'll stand by you through this. The love and respect I have for you is pure enough that it will never be tainted by that woman's vile words or the condemnation and pity of those who believe her."

Roy both silently congratulated himself for such a touching speech, and wanted to slap a hand over his face in embarrassment. That had to have been the corniest thing he'd ever said. He really needed to stop reading those books...

In response, Ed just stared at him, eyes wide, pink slowly tingeing his cheeks until they glowed a fiery red. "I... yeah... I... uh... have to go..." Ed stammered, his eyes flitting from Roy's eyes then away, then back to Roy's.

Roy gave Ed one last loving—he hoped it looked loving—smile before Ed turned and ran through the foyer, past the guards, and out the huge glass double doors. For a moment, Roy wondered if he'd laid it on too thick, but when he glanced around and saw the faces of the women watching, and the unnamable glow in their eyes, he knew he'd done it just right.

Giving one last longing look the way Ed had come for the benefit of his watchers, Roy turned and walked toward the elevator, pushed the button, and walked inside when the doors opened. He kept himself composed until the doors closed, then finally broke down and laughed all the way to his office.

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Sorry for the delay on this story, but here is the next chapter :) I hope you enjoy and I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner than this one took.

If anyone is going to Yaoi Con next weekend, be sure to let me know so I can say hi to you in person!

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**Comments are always appreciated.**


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